Howdy!

2005-05-08T12:02:00.000-04:00

Okay my week...

WEDNESDAY- Crazy A.P. STAT test and boredem.
Thursday- Random school was in there somewhere. And my boss was hitting on me - - kindda weird.

THE BEST WEEKEND EVER!!! (well not quite but pretty darn close)

FRIDAY- It was fun as all hell. After the insane AP exam that I didn't study for a group of us headed to McDonalds. That was good times. Crawling through the play thing with Melissa and Mac was so much fun. "I'm Dr. Octopus!!!" Then we headed to my house to pick up a few things and then to Jessica's. Child's Play is the funniest movie ever. Who could possibably be scared of a doll? Anywho, we headed to Six Flags. It took a while to get there. First we were almost in Washington then it was the Annapolis Mall and then about 7 we got there. Man, how I enjoy acting like I'm seven. Me and Jen rode the bumper cars like 6 times(my back still hurts), and we humped some horses. haha. Melissa is bad luck or something cause the rollercoasters kept breaking but I had fun anyway. Then on the way home we stopped at a food place, oh how i needed to eat. Jess and I stayed at her house for the night. I love girl time.

SATURDAY- Well I got in a fight with my Mother and had to work. Omgsh, some retarded pshyco started pulling my hair, he had me bent back over the counter. Now I'm scared to work cause of strange people like that. He pulled hair out, I should have just left work cause that ass gave me a headache. Oh, and i got this sweater thing... kindda cute. When I got home I was ready to pass out. I wa suppose to go to Meghan's but I haad no ride... I miss that girl. So Leah stopped by and I ended up going to her house. Talk about pshycos-- look at that girl! teehee. I love her anyway, plus I got more girl time. I was nice to stay up late and talk.

Today- Well Leah and I got up and chilled around her house. I love silly string. Then, we stopped at WAWA so I could get some donuts and apple juice and then I was to CVS for I.T.S. induction stuff. Now I'm at my grandfather's waiting to go to work. I can't wait till I get the tags on my car so I can drive. YAY! I'm so excitied. Well, its off to work and then when I come home I have a lot of homework to make up.

Love yall ~Amanda

2005-04-28T20:17:00.000-04:00

Hey to all who actually read this. So this last week has been pretty awesome even though I haven't done much. Last friday @Barbara's was hot stuff. Man, I miss all you HoCo kids. Prom is going to be a blast this weekend. I can't wait until I see everyone from Reservior. Oh yeah, on Thursday (last week) I went to NYC. That was awesome, the bus ride, the trip, everything. Good Times! Well I worked all weekend and then I worked yesterday. I like making all this money. Well, AP test are coming up soon and I am not prepared at all. That stinks, oh well - - I'll try my best. Today, I spent time with Leah, that was pretty fun. We talked and I dressed up in my Prom stuff... I looked pretty darn hott if I say so myself. Anyway Beth and I are having playdough withdrawals in yearbook, I'll bring it next week... I promise. Well I'm suppose to being finishing up this assingment for Creative Writing about a belief I have. It's actually kind of hard, I have the belief its just trying to say what I think. Anyway, I'm headed home for the night. Leave me a hot one!

2005-04-18T16:02:00.000-04:00

It's been so freaking long since I've written in this thing because my computer is freaking retarded. And the last few post were from Mr. Ryals.

Anyways. We had the show that was nice. I had a blast and I made a lot of friends. That ended like 2 weeks ago. I'm crazy for all of you!!! I'm going to Reservoirs prom. I can't wait to hangout with everyone and my dress is hot. I have been single lately- - thats so freaking nice. At first it kindda blew but now I'm over it. I'm starting over, goodness there are a lot of hott people out there. Whatelse? I'm working more... not the greatest thing in the world but I need to get a car before summer starts. Umm, I'm starting to tan cause the weather is so freaking nice, and I might start running. I have off this friday (it's our spring break because the break we had over easter was a religious break. Don't ask!) So if anyone wants to hangout then hit me up, but I know some theater kids are going to play soccer so I'll probably join them at Danza. Only two more months of school, i can't wait till summer is here. Wow, my thoughts are extremely random. Huh?! Oh, I have a stalker... my 50 year physics teacher- - he's a perve. The teachers at my school are going on strike and as I have recently stated "they look so helpless standing out on the street corner in the moring with their signs... kindda like those damn homeless." Man there are like mobs of homless people that stand outside the mall, they make more than I do.

Well I have a lot to do. I promise I will update this more often even though my entries are lame. Whatever. Much love punks!

2004-07-23T18:08:00.000-04:00

It’s been awhile…

I don’t know when the last time I typed in my blog but it’s hasn’t been resent. So, I will start with last Tuesday.

Tuesday, I went to my Dad’s- -that’s about it. Oh! I saw White Chicks

Wednesday, I had a day of relaxation. I got a manicure and pedicure (that was the nicest thing ever). I went out for lunch and then I chilled around the house.

THURSDAY! I woke up at 4 a.m. to go to BWI. Our flight left at 7 and I arrived in sunny Florida at like 10:30. We took a cab (yes all seven of us) to the port where we had to catch our cruise. Omigosh that thing was huge! We got on it around noon and we had lunch. I loved that ship all the food was free- -well it was part of the payment to get on it, but I ate so much. Anyways we kind of explored the ship and then we went to our rooms and put our stuff away. Lauren and I walked around the ship and made a new friend… Bailey. We pretty much spent the rest of the day with her. We ate in the formal dinning room… that was ritzy. Then, we check out the teen club. It was kind of lame no one was dancing- -but there were free smoothes.   After we left the club we went to listen to Laura sing karaoke. Then, I went to bed.

Friday was a day at sea. The water was so blue and pretty! I chilled by the pool for the most part only getting up to use the bathroom or get some of that free ice cream. It was the captain’s ball so we all dressed up and went to the cocktail party. Then we went to dinner. After dinner Lauren and I put on our bathing suits to hop in the hot tub (which was cold but I was fine with that). Umm and then we went to listen to Laura sing some more karaoke. I was ready to go to bed by 10 but I don’t think I actually hit the sack till midnight. It was hard to tell time there because there were no clocks.
Saturday was the most exciting thing ever, but by this point I was sick of being with my family. Around 8 a.m. we woke up in Cozumel Mexico. We got off the boat around 9:30 and we headed in the direction of the “beach.” Yeah we had to take a cab to get to the real beach. The sand was so white and the water was crystal clear. I was amazing. We saw for a little while and then I saw this glass bottom boat pull up and I was like “Can we do that?” So my Dad went and asked about the price but it ended up being snorkeling too. So we got all the equipment and we went out to the reefs and we swam with the fish. I touched one! I can’t even explain the feeling I got from being out there. I was happy and intrigued and I don’t it was AWESOME! After the boat ride we went back to the beach and had some Mexican food for lunch… did you know they eat iguanas? Anyway the food was awesome. I walked to some of the shops and the people that humor me. “I’ve been waiting for you!” “Come in” “I’ll make a deal!” All they wanted was your money. Then this old man was hitting on me… it was funny stuff. I ended up losing $20 there… someone must of gotten into my wallet or I lost it like the moron that I am. Well we caught a taxi back to the port and we had dinner on the ship. That evening was horrible. So, my Dad never really punishes my brother for anything and it annoys me to no end. So my brother hit me and then I hit him and it kept going back and forth because my Dad wouldn’t tell him to stop. So then my brother knocks over the water and my Dad yells at me. He always yells at me! I marched off. I was PISSED! I ended up in the teen room where I was the only girl, but I did learn how to play Texas Hold em’ and I won! Yeah buddy. Then I ended up going to my room where I ran into Lauren who bought me a bobble head turtle… it made me happy. Then we went out shopping where I got some stuff for my mommy. Then I was back to the ship where I walked around some more. They had free tacos so I ate a few of those and then I went to bed.

Sunday was another day at sea. I laid out in the sun. My Dad came in third in the slot tournament.   That evening Laura was in the Legends Show for her singing. Oh, I played some Bingo in the teen room and won. I am just so excellent. Sunday was kind of a chill day but there was a lot to do. We had to pack up our stuff and there were tons of shows and contest to watch. But Sunday was the hottest day ever (as in heat). Oh, then I opened up…the boat was really rocky and well I was getting sick so I chilled in a window seat and I ended up yelling random things at people. It was actually pretty funny. You had to be there. Yeah, after everything was done I went to bed.

Monday, we landed! I woke up at about 8 and grabbed some breakfast than I sat in my room till they told us to go to our muster stations. Then I sat there and waited for them to call us off the boat. After that there was a lot of standing in lines and rain. We went to our hotel checked in; my dad grabbed our “rent-a-car.” We all passed out in the hotel… the rain makes people pretty sleepy. Oh, and once again a drink was spilled on me. Thanks to Hunter who annoyed me and made me laugh. I just love little kids who spill soda on you then stick their grubby little fingers in your salad while you eat it. When we woke up we grabbed some food and then we headed to the movie theater to see A Cinderella Story. Omigosh I loved that movie, I don’t know I’m a goober.

Tuesday it rained a lot. We went to Bush Gardens. I’m telling you now- - NEVER TRAVEL IN LARGE GROUPS!!! There was a lot of arguing and whining.   Even though there was a ton of rain it was nice because there weren’t too many people. Therefore I was able to ride everything I wanted to. So my Tuesday was spent at an amusement park. Oh, if you ever got to the Bush Gardens in Tampa see KaTonga because it’s an awesome show.

Wednesday I went to the water park. There was also a lot of arguing on Wednesday. It was hot and crowded so I spent most of my time in the lazy river but eventually I made it to most of the waterslides. It wasn’t the best water park but I was glad that I could hangout with my Dad for more than an hour without getting mad. But that all changed when we left the park to meet up with Laura Lauren and Hunter. The amusement park was just too crowded so we went back to the hotel where we played poker, scrabble and ate three pizzas. We all passed out!

Thursday was extremely slow. We tried to find things to do before our flight so we went to the Harley Shop the mall. I got the cutest outfit. Then we went to the airport like 6 hours before we had to catch our plane. So we played games and ate dinner at Fridays in the mall. I got home around 12:30 last night/ this morning whatever. And today I ended up cleaning my room, unpacking, and hanging out with Mr. Ryals. No not Chris’ dad!

That’s my week in a nutshell.

2004-07-13T00:35:00.000-04:00

I haven't written in here in a few days, but I have some stuff to say!

First I'll update yall on what I've been up to. Friday, I chilled. Saturday was awesome cause of Kenny-- Chesney that is! Sunday was full of fun with a picnic and a birthday and some Meghan staying over. Today, I chilled with Meghan Dan and Chris... that was some fun there!

Well, tomorrow I'm leaving for my Dad's so we can head to Tampa on Thursday. I have this cruise and some days in Tampa... hopefully my brother doesn’t get on my nerves. It should be fun.

Now to the me having something to say... well most of it wont make sense but here it goes. This summer is an excellent time to hangout with friends and looking at pictures and having conversations with old friends made me realize that I missed a lot this year. I really wanted this summer to be a time when I could catch up with everybody but when I spend time with people I feel like the odd man out. I miss having that one best friend or someone that knows exactly what’s going on. But these last few days have also helped me catch up with friends! That was nice. You never know the values of a friend until you feel like you are losing one, and in my case I felt like I was losing a lot. But all this pre-vacation stuff has helped me rebond with my dear friends.

Well, I have another friend of sorts, who I spend a lot of time with. And I absolutely love it- it's just so nice to be able to spend so much time with the same person and not get sick of them. lol. Yeah, well this vacation is gonna be hard on me cause I haven’t been this long with out seeing them. But it should be good for me... I'm going on a cruise for crying out loud, but it will also give me some time to think things out. Have you ever realized that you can be so close to someone and it’s still hard to tell them how you feel? or what you wanna say doesn't come out as planned? Yeah, well that happens to me all the time... and then hopefully after this trip things I wanna say will come out as planned. Like how much-- oh never mind

On and thanks to some awesome friends.. Amanda and Chris I kindda like this Matchbook Romance crap. Just kidding its not crap. And along with Miss Knopp I've really enjoyed the song tiger lily! Yeah well it kindda hits home... nah it hits home perfectly!!! Enjoy...

We drive tonight and you are by my side we're talking about our lives like we've known each other forever the time flies by with the sound of your voice its close to paradise with the end surely near and if I could only stop the car and hold onto you and never let go I'll never let go as we round the corner to your house you turned to me and said "I'll be going through with drawl of you for this one night we have spent" and I want to speak these words but I guess I'll just bite my tongue and except someday, somehow as the words that we'll hang from And I, I don't want to speak these words cause I, I don't want to make things any worse Why does tonight have to end Why don't we hit restart and pause it at our favorite parts we'll skip the goodbyes If I had it my way I'd turn the car around and run away just you and I

Well that’s all I have for my blogger. But as soon as I get back from Florida I will be sure to inform everyone about what I did. XoXo

2004-07-08T10:01:00.000-04:00

Goodness!

I really hate computers because I tried to update my blogger earlier this week but my computer froze. So a lot has happened since I got back from the beach. That Friday I went to my Dad's and sat much like I did on Saturday. But on Saturday I went swimming. Sunday was the 4th and we went and saw a movie... well they all saw Spiderman 2 and I saw Saved+ all by my lonesome. I didn't see Spiderman cause I'm going to see it today... fun fun fun. Monday I chilled with Chris and we watched movies and Family Guy all day. We are the biggest dorks ever. Tuesday, I went to Six Flags. It didn't work out as planned but I did get to see everyone. Sorry to all those who were upset or didn't have fun. Omgsh... the woman that worked at the food place was really retarded. First she gave my friend Barbara a ripped 5 dollar bill and said "I don't have any tape." Then she gave me $3 change in dimes. She tried charging Chris twice and it took 10 mins for Krista to get her food. Well after we left Six Flags Krista and Barbara came over here and chilled until Barbara's aunt picked her up and my mom took me and Krista to Krista's house. We chilled. Yesterday We went to the pool, than it rained so I came home and talked on the phone (I did a lot of talking)Then the day was followed up by hanging out with Chris. So that's what I haven't got to type in awhile.

Today...
I plan to do some stuff around the house. My dad stopped by to drop off the luggage, I guess that means I have to start packing for my trip. I'm going to see Spiderman 2 with Chris and Leah. Then, I have to give Meghan a call so we can hangout. I have to go shopping to pick up a gift and then I have to call Amanda about hanging out tomorrow. Yes, I have to get a move on it. But I will be sure to update yall later. XoXo

2004-07-01T18:11:00.000-04:00

Well I'm home at last. The beach was nice. We got down there Tuesday and ran into Mr. Goldsmith and played some put-put. Then Wednesday Chris and I endured the sun ( Yeah I'm not half as burnt as Mr. Ryals). Knopp and Barbara joined us, that was fun. Well we left the beach only to find that Chris had a flat so my Dad came to the rescue. We chilled at the beach house. I got very little sleep because i'm a wussy and can stand the pain of sunburn. Well I came home today and chilled with Jessica. That was nice. Now I'm sitting here waiting for dinner. Peace Out!

2004-06-29T09:14:00.000-04:00

Look where I'm headed!

2004-06-29T09:04:00.000-04:00

Yay!
It's Tuesday and I'm all ready to go. I'm headed to the beach today, I haven't been since Feb... so I'm excited about that. Hopefully I'll see some old friends up there. I wish I was staying longer because I love it down there, but I'll go back later this summer. I'm suppose to go to Bethany and Ocean City again, that should be fun. Well listening to the radio this morning only made me wanna go to the beach more, cuz they were talking about Ocean City. Well I have my bags packed and all I have to do is my hair. So I'm off to do that. Love ya!

2004-06-28T11:37:00.000-04:00

Monday, Monday, Monday.
So I woke up today at 6 am becasue I thought I had to go to school. I'm such a goober. So I ate, finished my book, and exercised. Once my Mother left I feel asleep for 3 hours and then my brother woke me up saying its tuesday. You should have seen me it was the funniest thing ever. I get up start running in circles saying " I have to call dad! I have to pack my bags! Whens he gonna be here?" Then after a few moments of confusion I realized yesterday was Sunday and today is Monday and I got in the shower. Now I'm here eatting my lunch. Wanna do something to day?! Call me! Peace out!

2004-06-26T22:48:00.000-04:00

It feels like Sunday.
I had a wonderful time with my girls on Friday. I missed the old days, spending time at the mall, hollering at dudes, sneaking out, talking about the most random crap. It was fun, and I'm glad summer is here so I can spend more time with the gals. The weekend wasn't fun just because of the girls, I actually did stuff today. I drove home and then we (my family) went to Columbia Lake and I walked around that twice and read my book. That was the most relaxing thing I have done in awhile. I wanted to stay there all day, it was just so nice outside.Then we cooked out at my mom's best friends house. The food was great. Well, I have a headache so I'm gonna go.

2004-06-25T12:54:00.000-04:00

So...
I'm actually doing something today, I'm at Barbara's. Man, how I miss Dumhart!!! Well we plan on going to the mall. I was at the mall last night. I went and saw dodgeball w/ Liz and Meghan and some dudes from Hammond. I painted my walls yesterday which wasn't the smartest thing to do cuz now my mom is mad. Yay, I'm gonna be in trouble. I got two belts last night at the mall, one had fishies (how cute). Oh man
I found an OLD SCHOOL toy at barbara's. Remember those neo pets and the tamagotchi's? I found one. Yes so this weekend should be killer. I miss by old buddies. Well Barbara is in the shower right now so I really don't have anything to do but talk in this blogger. It looks like its gonna rain, thats not cool. Oh man, I gonna go to the snowball stand... I miss walking up there. The phone is ringing, oh look I answered it. Those darn theatre kids are at Six Flags today... darn them. Too bad I'm going there in a few weeks. Well Barbara and Knopp leave for the beach Sunday so I wont have them to talk to for a week, yeah I'm gonna be bored. Oh yeah, Chris comes home Sunday so I'll have someone to be bored with. Syke! We have fun... sometimes, okay all the time. Well Little Miss Knopp is headed over here some I'm gonna get off and find something productive to do. Love ya

2004-06-24T11:08:00.000-04:00

Its amazing how much better you feel when things get done. I woke up today, ate, cleaned my room, I got rid of all the clothes I dont wear or need. I organized my room and books and stuff. I actually have plans for everyday until wednesday. Today I'm going to the movies, man I haven't just hung out w/ my friends in awhile. Its kindda nice. I like this summer thing becasue I can stay up all night. Yes, I was on the phone till almost 2 then I woke my mom up to inform her about my hatred for stupid people who do stupid stuff. But the days are kindda boring, I have nothing to do. But I started making plans for myself and hopefully I can keep up with them all summer. Well I'm off to shower and read and do somemore stuff. Love Ya. Oh, and now you can leave comments to my questions like, Wanna go to Six Flags???

2004-06-23T23:25:00.000-04:00

Hey Guys! I can put pictures on here now!

2004-06-23T10:18:00.000-04:00

Wow, I haven't written in here in a long time. Its kindda sad. Well school has ended. I spent the weekend with my dad. Friday I went to Medival Times and put in an application. Sunday I went my aunts house on the eastern shore and I realized how badly I wanna live there. Monday I hung out w/ Chris and did some crew stuff at the school. Last night was a blast. Jill and I went to see the PPTC perform at Nat'ls. There was a strange guy that was gonna " eat our babies!" Jill your a goober. The show was great and it was kindda nice to beable to sit down and watch it. We sat with a few other old mill people. Then the show ended and we went to visit everyone in the dressing rooms and then we ended up on the stage. " NO SHOES! NO SHOES!" I was so confused, I had shoes on. Anyway we went outside to wait for my mom, who never showed up at the Tawes Theatre, but it was fun to walk across the parking lot at 11:30. Oh, and I named this kid Barbie... he was a little different. Well today I'm suppose to go driving I hope that woman shows up or else I'll be extremely mad, again! Well that means I have to go get ready. But this is for anyone who reads my blogger, especially you scaggsville/fulton/laurel kids. Next week is pretty empty for me and this weekend too, so if you wanna hang out give me a call. And the 6th (of July) a bunch of us are going to Six Flags for the day so if you wanna come call me ... or Meggie C or Lizard. Oh by the way my number is 410.519.0636 or you can reach me on my cell at 443.694.6870 Love ya!!!

2004-06-05T22:08:00.000-04:00

Yippy.
I'm at my Dad's again and I was really bored today. I am so sick of television that I wanna shoot myself. I need people to talk to before I go dig myself a grave. Yeah this week was okay. My computer at home is broken so there's no more interent for me. I start summer vacation in two weeks, that should be fun. My birthday is Wednesday (yay, not really) this 16th b-day stuff is retarded. I'm in a pretty crummy mood, prolly because I didn't do jack this weekend. Oh, I did see Mean Girls... umm it was okay. This rain blows and I wanna go home. The kids here are annoying me to death, and my cell phone gets no reception. So my weekend sucks... oh tomorrow i'm going to my grandmothers. That I don't mind it's just the fact the I have to sit around here ad be bored, and then at like 3 I'll go there and I wont leave until 5 and that is a waste of my day. Well, I think I'm gonna make the rest of my day suck by going to bed at 10:15. Fun times. Yeah this really blows (I said that already) I wanna cry or something!!!!

2004-05-31T10:21:00.000-04:00

I did something this morning, I changed my blog layout. They need some cooler ones to pick from.

Well this week and weekend has been pretty good. Saturday night I made hundred dollars for 4 hours. Yes, I just love watching the rich peoples kids. Then yesterday was kindda dull, but I did get to see Barbara, Knopp, and Natalie. That was nice. Today, Well today I don't know what I'm doing. I know I have to finish this homework stuff but I have no idea how long that will take. But I know I finished that extremely pointless science fair project. That was a waste of my time.

I wonder what I can do with this blogger. Maybe I can add pictures?! Well, i'm not too sure so I'm gonna find out. Peace home pickle slices.

2004-05-25T22:11:00.000-04:00

So...
So, I've was thinking, yes thinking is definitely a bad thing for me. And so I was thinking about stuff, and me! And then I realized, "Wow, I'm kind of mean." Yeah I realized that I say some hurtful things, and even though I say them in a joking manner, no one should have to put up with that kind of verbal assault. Yes, and then I was thinking about spring. Yes, I know I'm random. But spring, we really don't have a spring in Maryland, and if we do someone needs to inform me. But anyways, spring is like the time for flowers, and happiness, and that other lovey dovey stuff. But the idea of spring is kind nice, I just wish it weren't so darn hot around here. Then, I was thinking about friendship. Friends are great, especially when you can actually talk to them, or see them, or carry a conversation. I miss having a best friends, or close friends. It has occurred to me that I'm just not as close to people as I used to be, and I miss that so very much. But yeah, I will be sure to try and be closer. I was also thinking about this job thing, cause I really don't want to work. And gas, well its really expensive so there's no point in paying $2.11 for gas when you only make $6.50. So I don't know what I'm gonna do about that summer job thing. Wow, summer is great. I love it, cause you can hang out with people, and go on vacation, and there's no school. Yes, I really love summer. Today I watched some Veggie Tales... Yes I'm just that cool, and I realized "Wow I miss church" and the feeling that I get when I go. No, not the "Its Sunday and I wanna sleep", the "Oh, I feel extremely religious, and there is a reason for me to be here." Yeah, I really miss that. But today was good, besides the fact that I took a unneeded nap. But I hung out w/ a person... and they stayed at my house longer than two mins once again. Yeah, is to wrong to be this happy, I have no clue. Well I'm headed to bed so I can get up early tomorrow and do this science fair stuff, or maybe I'll do it in class. I'm not too sure. XoXo

2004-05-21T22:11:00.000-04:00

Yes, I tried so update date this crappy journal thing earlier this week but my computer is dumb. Yes, so everything has been good since last weekend. I had prom, that was a blast. I did the school thing, which went by extremely slow. I hung out w/ Chris and Sarah... I saw some.Shrek 2 on Wednesday (it was funny)! Then,toay well I'm at my dad's. I just made him go out, cuz I drank the milk and it was sour... prolly because it was from May 1st ( yeah thats really gross) Plus I have a phobia of expired food... especially milk. So my stomach is burning... thats not too good, but whatever. Has anything exciting happened lately?-- Well no, not really. Oh, today I got an application, I'm really dreading the work thing, because I'm a very lazy person. Yup, so thats whats new in the the wonderful world of me.

2004-05-12T20:11:00.000-04:00

Wow, have I mentioned that I absolutely hate emotions. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me... I'm sad, angry, well I'm pretty much depressed, and I don't know why. I realized that I feel the way I did at the beginning of the year when I wasn't happy with anything! Like when I was cheering, that's exactly what I feel like, yeah and its definitely not a good way to feel. I hated the beginning of the year because I felt like this, and I hate right now cause I feel like this (and I don't know how to explain this feeling) Yeah, I was having a good day... and then I started to think. I'm not happy with any thing, not myself or anything that is happening around me. I hate when I feel like this cause then I get these stupid thoughts, stuff I really shouldn't be thinking about. Yeah well life's a bitch and hopefully I feel better, I'll let time run it's course.

2004-05-10T22:37:00.000-04:00

So I've been thinking a lot in the last 2 hours. And the more I think the worse I feel, I just wanna cry. I don't know why I feel so emotional or retarded like, but whatever. I've been thinking about how a lie affects one person, even a small fib. I don't know, I guess I feel sorry for anyone I've ever lied to, cause I know that is sucks. I realized its hard for me to trust people just because of what happened a year ago. When you can't trust your on family member it hard to trust everyone else. That's the reason I've kept a lot in this year, and prolly why I feel bad a lot of the time. Maybe if I had better mental health I'd feel healthier all the time. And now I feel like I can't confide in people again, but I'm not sure... I'm just retarded (It doesn't matter what I say I guess cause no one reads this). I wanna be able to talk about how I feel, but its so hard for even me to figure out what I feel. I keep things inside so much that when one little thing sets me off I can't grab a single emotion and focus on it. Lately I've been angry at my family, and I don't know why. I shouldn't have so much hatred and pain for people that care about me, but I do. And then I've been overwhelmed, I feel like I can't organize jack and so I push myself further away from what I need to do. Once I push away all my "work" I feel stressed because I know it has to get done eventually. Then, I keep telling myself and everyone else thay I'm so happy, but I don't think I am. Yes, I'm happy with all the things that I have been blessed with... but I have deeper feelings, feeling that I keep trying to cover. Even when I'm "happy" I wanna cry, but I hold back the tears because I'm ashamed to cry infront of people. I wish things were easier, like feelings and stuff where easier to express. The person that I always used to cry infront of, I can no longer trust (Plus they don't seem to understand me anymore). The person that I want to cry infront of, I don't think I'm ready for them to see my tears. The people I wish I could cry infront feel so far away. Then theres the person I don't wanna cry infront of, and that would be me. I feel bad when I cry, I feel like I don't deserve to cry. I feel like my tears are fake and have no value. I feel like I wanna get help but I can't because then I realize that there are people that need more help than I do. I feel selfish when I cry, like the world has to focus on me. But I just wanna cry. When I'm sitting in a seat listening to music I wanna cry. When I lay in bed before I sleep I wanna cry. When I think about my past I wanna cry. When I feel alone I wanna cry. When I'm sitting in class I wanna cry.When I can't tell how I really feel I wanna cry. And right now I wanna cry, but I can't because I'm ashamed. I'm scared that if I let my tears out I'll let myself out andI don't wanna feel vulnerable. I don't wanna get hurt, I don't know. Right now I feel like I'm being selfish because I'm talking about myself, but when I write I feel like I'm letting go. I'm letting go of my emotional stress, I'm freeing myself of the chains I used to restrict myself, I feel like I have accomplished something. Well I would sit here and write all night but I do have school tomorrow. So I think I'm going to take what I have learned from writing about myself and help me to open up... maybe I need a good cry. I need to let myself go, maybe I need to talk to someone, but right now I have to get through to myself so I can figure out whats wrong. Well I'm off... God Bless.

2004-05-06T19:23:00.000-04:00

It's Thursday, and I'm counting down...

2 hrs till my family comes back home.
1 day till
school is over
I go to the dentsit ( fun)
I go to dinner w/ Chris and Sarah
I see Rezi again, and all my friends of course
2 days till Main Street
3 days till Mother's day (Darn it i have to get a gift)
4 days till Monday ( eww that means its school )

Then sometime during next week I have Prom or something like that... yeah I'll have a blast cuz I'm in the 10th grade (lol). Well I wish I had the same assembly that the Reservoir people had b/c i want to hear stuff that will affect me like it did yall... I seems like it was a life changing thing. Well instead this dude came and basically told me how I lack life goals. Ya, screw that! So, I'm off

2004-05-02T21:18:00.000-04:00

It's been a while.
Yes, so this week (including the weekend) has been pretty good.

Wednesday- I had school and then I chilled w/ a chipmunk... Your less chipmunky these days.

Thursday- Well, I had school and homework ( I think) Huh, I'm not to sure.

Friday- I had a blast. I got my hair "trimmed" and went to the mall w/ a couple of cool cats. I bought some stuff, and stayed the night at Barbara's with some more cool cats, who I miss more than you can picture. Oh, and I got to see some really white people rap like crap.

Saturday- Well I chilled with Topher. Yeah we are losers cuz we did what we always do, watched movies, and drove around. We did get some ice cream, it was good and there was a lot but it made me sick. And then we went back to his house and watched another movie (Big Daddy encase anyone cares)

Today- Well today, today I woke up at 11:33 after having an excellent dream. So, I did my homework and then I showered. Topher picked me up and we dropped stuff off at the library, went to the closed florist, I ate at subway, we chilled at the park ( I loved the colors), we drove around, I showed him where my aunt lived, we stopped at Khols, and then played some put put. Then, it was back to his house where we watch some Family Guy... I think I'm addicted. I ate some dinner, and came home. So now I'm here talking about what I did all week, and no one cares... but yeah. So I'm off to bed cuz I have school tomorrow, YAY!!!

2004-04-27T15:06:00.000-04:00

Kiss me out of the bearded barley
Nightly, beside the green, green grass
Swing, swing,(swing, swing) swing the spinning step
You wear those shoes and I will wear that dress

Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight
Lead me out on the moonlit floor
Lift up your open hand
Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance
Silver moon's sparkling
So kiss me

Kiss me (kiss me) down by the broken tree house
Swing me (swing me) upon it's hanging tire
Bring, bring,(bring, bring) bring your flowered hat
We'll take the trail marked on your father's map

Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight
Lead me out on the moonlit floor
Lift your open hand
Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance
Silver moon's sparkling
So kiss me

Kiss me beneath the milky twilight
Lead me out on the moonlit floor
Lift your open hand
Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance
Silver moon's sparkling
So kiss me

* So I'm in the mood to watch She's All That. I'll prolly rent it when I go to the library. Today is only Tuesday, I think i discussed this in my blog this morning. Yeah, I have tons of hw and such... I think a movie should be relaxing. Man I'll burn some of those aroma therapy candles... wow I hope they have my movie. So I'm off to do something, prolly sit on my butt, but what the hey.*

2004-04-27T06:15:00.000-04:00

Wow, its 6:15 and I stayed up all night. Syke I'm waiting to go catch the big yellow cheese wagon. Man I can't wait for tomorrow, cuz that means I made it halfway through the week. Yeah so yesterday was Monday.... and the first day in school, which means I have 4 more days of classes. Yeah, I had an okay day. I did some homework, and chilled w/ Chris. Goodtimes spent by all. Yeah and now I sit here and wait, I really shouldn't wait, but I already get enough sleep so I can't do that. Maybe I can ... I don't know I have to leave in like 5 mins. So my foot,knees, and back all hurt, maybe I need a new bed. Yeah I think thats what I need. Yeah so I was listening to the radio this morning, like I do every morning and well, they were talking about how people pray mostly about good health. And I was all like, "Wow, thats true for me." Yeah I thought you might wanna know that, syke I know no one cares what I write. lol.
Well I'm off to the bus, bye bye.

2004-04-24T20:28:00.000-04:00

At my Daddy's.
So I had a good week. The weather has been awsome. I'm in a good mood. I wanna be with my friends (oh yeah I dont have any, jkjk) Um, so i lost my hair thing AGAIN. I took a 3 hour nap today, cuz i didnt bring any of my homework to my dads.... so i slept instead. Well, I'm off to eat dinner, and I im gld my bed is in the room w/ the computer so i'll be on tonite. Peace.

2004-04-20T20:19:00.000-04:00

Yup!
So, you probably don't realize how happy you make me feel ( ch'ya that's really corny, but its how I feel) Well, this dork hasn't been up to much, so yeah!

2004-04-18T21:39:00.000-04:00

Well this weekend was awsome. Yeah I hung out w/ Chris everyday, and he makes me happy. Yeah, the weather was great so I was outside a lot. I had my first snowball of the season (there was something funny w/ that marshmellow). Yeah, and I saw Lord of the Rings Two Towers... ch'ya I didnt really get it but I had fun anyway. Well I'm so happy!!!!!! Yeah I'm also a major loser, but we all knew that. Smile...

2004-04-17T15:08:00.000-04:00

It's so nice out there.

Yeah I'm loving this weather. Yesterday i woulda prefered to be outside, but i took a nap to get rid of my headache. Then I went over Chris' to watch movies w/ everybody. And i thought my mom was picking me up around 10:30, but NO she got there at 9:58... but i had fun with everyone. I still don't get why the person that invited everyone over to watch movies, went into the other room to play guitar.... Chris your a goober.

Then today, I woke up at 8 (w/ a headache). I ate outside, but it was still kindda chilly. Then, I painted these little dudes w/ my brother, rode his bike to my grandfathers, painted my nails, washed my mom's car, and I did this all outside. So, when I was done being outside i came in and took a shower. Now i'm all clean, and waiting to go out tonite... but thats in like 3 hours! So, I'm gonna listen to the radio or put in a movie. Peace Home Fries

2004-04-14T21:00:00.000-04:00

Have you ever wanted something so bad, that you would cross an ocean just to get it?

Well if you have, that's excellent because it means you have goals and you wont let anything stand in your way, not even an ocean. And if you haven't wanted something that bad, then I don't know(LOL). Well, I want a few things but most of all I wanna be happy. Happiness is good, but if everyone was happy then life would stink. So I guess you have to have the best of both worlds, but I can live with that, as long as I'm happy for a moment in time. If you can make me smile or laugh then my goal as been achieved.

Friends, what else can I say... they are great!!! Without friends I don't think I would ever laugh, or smile, or cry, or show any emotion. My friends usually know what I need, and can help me out and I wanna thank all of you for that. Friends are what help me fulfill my life goal of happiness. THANK YOU ALL!

Some of my other goals:
~ Save someone
~ Work at a homeless shelter/ nursing home
~ Be Happy
~ Make friends, and keep the great ones I have
~ Find love <3 <3
~ Give Blood (because I hate needles)
~ Make a good future for myself.
~ Have a family
~ Love myself!!!

***So I hear tomorrow is national high five day... yeah I will not be taking part in that, because I have also heard I suck at giving high fives!***

2004-04-13T20:15:00.000-04:00

Wow.
Wow its been awhile since I wrote anything worth reading in here.
Wow its funny how time flys.
Wow its amazing how things happen.
Wow I can't believe I'm here.

Yeah, the little word wow (if that's even a word) is awesome. So I haven't wrote anything good in my blog in a while, but I've been thinking. Yes, I have a brain, isn't that surprising! I often question why things happen, and then I start to question myself.... yeah I really have no life. But you have to question why things happen when they seem perfect. Like today, I had a really good day... and actually I've had about 4 good days, but then I start to wonder. I wonder if b/c I'm so happy, is someone else suffering? Or how did I get so happy? Why do I feel like this? So I've been thinking a lot about stuff like that.

Then I've been doing the solitude thing, well I haven't isolated myself but I spend a lot of time listening to music and that helps to isolate me. I've been questioning who I am, and what I want, and what I like, and what I need to do in the future. But this dissociation from others as caused me to grow apart from past relationships, and even relationships I have just recently built. So I need to step out of my room, and hang out with my friends. But I also have realized that by me staying away from my friends ( who I truly love) I'm starting to figure out what I like. I realize that my interest have been based on what others do, and the music I listened to was influenced by my friends, but now I'm starting to make my own choices.

I've also been motivated, well atleast today I was. I wanna try harder than I ever have, even though it might push me over the edge (I'm all up for taking risk). I want to start to run,as soon as the weather clears up. I wanna spend more time w/ my little brother he's a cool kid, and I've been to busy picking on him and fighting w/ him to realize it. Oh, and I wanna learn more about me... thats kindda weird to say you don't know yourself, but a lot of people don't know!!!

Well, I'm so happy I have something in here other than what I did today. So I had my little writing outlet and I feel better. Well I'm off to get my profile to work. Cya

2004-04-10T11:48:00.000-04:00

So, spring break is almost over... it sucked!

Well, Thursday i did stuff. Like drive around forever, but I had fun. Oh, and I got a new cd, not too shabby. O, and I'm always reliving my childhood w/ Chris... we went and chilled at toys'r'us, goodtimes goodtimes.

Friday, I did homework and watched the brother until my dad picked us up. Then we went to the the movies, dinner, a car dealership, and then to my grandma's.

Today, I plan to pack, and get dressed. I have such high hopes. Yeah this break better get fun, or I'm gonna cry. Oh, this morning I downloaded a Maroon 5 ringtone (it was a waste of my money)

Thank goodness my Amanda is ungrounded, but I i still haven't got to hang out w/ her.

2004-04-07T20:57:00.000-04:00

It's almost here!
Yes, my crappy spring break is almost here, thank goodness. Well today, today, i went to skool. Not much there, then I drove! Warning* I can't drive but I have the privilage, so if your on the road when i am... your the bigger moron* Well, after almost driving the car off the road I came home and did homework. My daddy stopped by, and I chilled at the park w/ Chris. Yeah, the park had no swings (what kindda park is that?) And now I am home, doing hw and that other useless stuff.

2004-04-05T20:46:00.000-04:00

Emotional!
Today was emotional, but good. I have been good even w/ my lack of sleep and spring break. I will miss crew and all those ACTORS hehe. Yeah I had fun times these last few weeks. I really enjoyed it... i went into tech to get my 10 hrs and then i was done. But i stuck w/ it and i got much more, i made friends, learned stuff, and found something i really enjoyed. And I am pretty sure i'll keep up the friendships i made... cuz they aren't fake like some others I had. And this was the only time this year i didnt mind going to skool for 6 hours at a time... I really found something i liked. Well I will be sure to keep in touch w/ everyone. Oh, and i miss all my Howard county ppl what happened to yall? And Meggie C where are you (i never get to spend time w/ you ne more) :(

Love Always
~Amanda

2004-03-31T22:01:00.000-05:00

Oh, how i miss my blogger and my free time, and well my life! Yeah I've been wrapped up in this whole theatre thing more than i need to be. Well tomorrow begins the run of the Wizard of Oz, and I have so much crap to do (school wise). Any how, I've been good, tired, but good none the less. I keep over sleeping, and I wonder why (Duh its cuz i get on my computer everyday and do nothing else) Well if I have an enlightenment I will be sure to note it in my blog, but my life is kindda dull and im too tired to keep my eyes open, so GOODNIGHT!!!

2004-03-27T18:18:00.000-05:00

All I can say is... "Weee"rrre off to see the Wizard, the wonderful Wizard of Oz" Yup I definitely spent 9 hours listening to the musical. I actually did stuff too, I didn't just sit around. First, sanded monkey tails (whoopee), and then I learned spot light, and all the lighting crapola... and then I used the lights during run throughs. But now i have a headache, aww poor me. So I'm back home, all alone as usual and I have to do my homework. Thats should be a blast. Oh, now I remember the CD I wanted... Josh Kelly (okay I can't forget that) Well I feel like im talking to myself... so im off, but not to see the wonderful Wizard of Oz!!!

2004-03-25T20:43:00.000-05:00

Today, well today was okay. I went to skool and crew, where I had a decent time. Then I came back to hell... yes I went "home" if thats even what u can call it. My mom is on my last nerve, along w/ my brother. I get the third degree all the time, and I'm always being yelled at (cuz I guess I can't do anything right) but I'm used to that. But the last two days have been retarded as anything... maybe this weekend will be better.

2004-03-23T20:55:00.000-05:00

Hello Clitty! (Yeah don't ask... im a moron) So, today was pretty good. I went to skool, got my claculator back, lost my purse... and got it back. Then, I went to "french club" not really it was more like i got papers and learned crap for 20 mins. Then, I listened to my CD player and did homework. After that, I harassed some actors and did costume stuff. Then, it was to props were I did more of nothing!!! Now I'm home and trying to study for a test, but i know nothing so i don't see the point in studying... so yeah.

2004-03-21T17:51:00.000-05:00

How things changes.
Yeah I had a great weekend, and a good day and then I got "emotional" ewww i hate that!!!

Its funny how you never know what will happen. Times change, and people change, and nothing remains the same; not you, not friendship,nothing! I sit here and I cry because I know I will never have what I thought I was suppose to have. What I have is good, and what I had I miss, if only I could have them both. But that would just make me a greedy person ( I think). Plus, I can't have them both because things have changed... and I don't have that best friend, or that old me. Maybe the changes are good, but I miss what I had cuz I love what I had. And its kindda ironic, because when others thought I would "replace" them I didn't, but now I feel like I am being replace... and it absolutely sucks. Yeah, so I should really stop thinking about stuff, it just makes me feel worse.

On a lighter note, I had a good weekend; Movies, Meg Liz & Natalie, and then The Greatest Show on Earth ( I shoulda wore my Cowgirl hat) Yeah and then today I did homework, and cried!!!

2004-03-21T14:21:00.000-05:00

Hello all!

I had a great weekend! Friday, was my last day of drivers ed... hip hip hooray. Then Meg came over, we went to the mall where Natalie and Lizard joined us. Then, it was back to my house where we enjoyed the Lion King!!! ( I feel asleep). Then it was Saturday, I woke up early to head to skool for stage crew... I didn't do nething but chilled and learned how to play chess( You knowur I.Q. goes up everytime you play)Then I came home did the good ol' homework and watched Enough, showered you know. Meghan left, and Chris came and picked me up.. Me, Helen, Meg ( a different one) and Chris headed to B-more (Holla) to see the circus. Once again I relived me childhood... it was great. Then we drove around aimlessly, got some free food.. and then it was back home to bed. Today, I woke up early did all my hw and now I'm chilling... so I got a lot accomplished! Oh, and I called Knopp ( I miss that girl). So I had a very exciting weekend... yup! Then, I go to skool tomorrow, whoopee. :(

Wow, I'm proud of you u actually read this!!!

2004-03-18T20:02:00.000-05:00

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Yeah I don't patience for anyone or anything today. My brother and my mom are annoying. People keep calling and I want to scream. Today was good, and then I came home. HA! And look my mom just left so im stuck here w/ my brother... fuck this (oops i cussed... w/e that how I feel) So im off to go be isolated, I need it right now!

2004-03-17T22:56:00.000-05:00

TODAY! I had skool, and i babysat and I ate and did hw. burr its getting cold out there!( I would know cuz i stood out there in the "snow" waiting for my ride") Well im off to bed red headed fred!

2004-03-16T21:14:00.000-05:00

OK! I put an end to all this madness... One Tree Hill doesnt air again until April 6th... so thats like 2 weeks w/o Chad!!! O what is a girl to do? So I guess I have to find something else to do... like sleep... or talk online. Well, St. Patty's day is tomorrow! So pinch pinch pinch!!!

2004-03-16T17:56:00.000-05:00

Yeah! So, this is my last week of drivers ed. YAY!!! Then I have busy weekend, Meg and Liz are suppose to come over... im confused about the day. Next, i have tech time... and then we are off to the circus ( atleast i think) Then, Sunday is prolly a veg day... so it should be good... i have to squeeze in time for hw and family but other than that I'll be straight! (That was gangsta(h) yo!) Ok w/e... bye

2004-03-14T20:06:00.000-05:00

Wowzers, I haven't typed in this thing in like 3 or 4 days. Prolly cuz i wasnt near a computer all weekend. Friday i went to a dance at rezi... kindda lame, but very fun... my friends were there and i had a blast. Then it was off to Knopps, were I passed out w/ Justine and Barbara! Saturday, I went to my Dad's, out to dinner (o yeah i have to call meghan), and then to Best Busy where I bought my Maroon 5 CD, and then my dad's g/f let me drive home.... and guess what i didnt crash!!!! Today, I did my hw watched the tube and ate... and now i feel like crap! But my weekend was pretty good! AND now I'm off to bed.. well after I shower.. cant wait to see eveyone tomorrow.
Oh, and you know that last blog i typed in... 4get about it... i've been thinking and I can do so much better (sike) but i was thinking and I really am ok w/o liking that person!
Love Yall!

2004-03-11T22:39:00.000-05:00

I'm one of those people who are bad at saying what they feel, but here it goes; I want to be able to say how I feel about people, especially one person... I think I really like them, and I don't know if its just a crush or if it is really something I'd like to have. Yeah we are friends right now, but can control the way I feel and I tell myself not to feel so strongly towards them, but the more I deny my feelings, the more upset I get w/ myself. And you may think I don't take you seriously, but I do... and I act like to do b/c I don't want to be rejected... I know that feeling all too well! And I just don't wanna get hurt by "liking" someone who may not even like me back. Yeah yeah, well I know I'm going on and on, but atleast im getting it out. It's late and it mite be that im tiresome, but I really would like to get to know you better, but im scared that the closer I get the more it will hurt when its time for my rejection! Ewww, crushes suck butt, but you know what can you do! Well i'm saying how I feel, and I really want to get to know you better, and I want to be able to talk more openly about I feel, not just w/ others but w/ myself! Maybe the person I want to see this will, and if not its ok... But atleast I got it out of my system and I feel better about it all.
Writing things out, even if they are able to express how I feel helps to cleanse me of everything that is holding me back.

2004-03-11T18:39:00.000-05:00

Hi! I have had a pretty slow day, school, drivers ed, and hw... a lot of education stuff. Yeah, i wanna help but i dont know what i should say, plus im scared to help others cuz most of the time im scared to help myself. But umm, life is going... and im going to my dads this weekend YAY! I also am going to Rezi for the dance... i need to umm find a warmer outfit! Oh, Krista i think we mite freeze to death... well i love you!

Meg, this is for you cuz i love ya and I hope you feel better! Member the "boys have cooties" and everything will be okay, cuz everyone loves ya ( UR AWSOME)

Love ya always,

2004-03-09T20:51:00.000-05:00

I got my learners... :)

2004-03-08T20:05:00.000-05:00

Um, yeah! So drivers ed started today... um yeah!

2004-03-07T15:48:00.000-05:00

Love is such an amazing thing! Love is one of those things that everyone hopes to find, and when they do theres nothing like it in the entire world. Love causes people to do strange things. You can be fighting with someone and love can cause you to make up like that. Love can make you sick, love can make you happy, love can hurt, love can be destructive. Some people find love in strange places, while others never find it at all. some people think they have found love, while others know they have. but love comes w/ baggage and it brings more than many think. Well I'm still looking for love, not love from my family but love from myself and from someone i want to spend my life with (but im young so i have time)!

Well here is this biblical definition of what love is... and for some reason i always remember it so here it goes~
Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves

Love always~ ME

2004-03-06T15:19:00.000-05:00

Hey, i'm headed to Krista's (man i havent seen her in awhile), then the mall and then back to her house... i can't wait! O and i have to study so i can get my learners!

2004-03-05T22:19:00.000-05:00

When do you know how it feels? I’ve been thinking about it all day…when u see someone cry, and u wanna help but u don’t know how cuz you barely know the person. Well I wanted to help, and it was strange b/c yeah people have cried and confided in me, but never someone I barely know, it was just different. I wanted so bad to help, and I tired my best to do so, but I’ve had this feeling… I can’t even explain it. It was odd, not a bad odd but a good one, it mad me feel good. And I think I made a friend out of it, and that makes me really happy. I know I might sound retarded rite about now, but I’m happy someone came to me when they needed someone to turn to, even thought I may not be their closest friend, because I know what it feels like to be sad and want someone, but there’s no one there. Friends are priceless, and without a friend to confide in, its hard to confide in yourself. I once heard, that you make your best friends after something bad happens, because usually that bad thing brings the two of you together. And know what!?! I believe that quote on many different levels. So i know how it feels, how it feels to help someone, and feel good about it. i know what it feels like to make a new friend, and I know what it feels like to have a good day.
(My NIGHT TIME PRAYER)
Dear Lord,
Thank you for everything you have blessed me with. Thank you for shelter over my head, food on my table, a family in my heart, friends in my soul, and you on my mind. Thank you Lord for everything I’ve learned from you, and everything I’ve yet to learn. Thank you for everything you’ve given to me and everything I’ve yet to receive, because I know whatever you give me I will learn from. Think you for my health and for watching over everyone. I pray that everyone finds room for you in their hearts, and that you watch after everyone in the world, and bless them much like you have blessed me and my family. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

2004-03-05T18:00:00.000-05:00

Woot Woot! Today was an off day and I had a blast. I got all cute, and went on my field trip to SRHS. Wow, they have windows there... unlike the jail cell I go to skool in. Well ne ways I watched some comedies, some dramas.... " Bang Bang, your Dead" is a very touching play... I cried. Then, after my work shops and lunch, I went and saw so many comedies (omgsh I have a headache from laughing so hard) Well I helped judge the festival, and now I'm at home. I'm gonna pass on hanging out tonite... but I think I mite go running! I need it. Well today was a good day, easy, fun, touching, motivating, and there were a few hotties! :) XoXo Luv ya all

2004-03-04T19:26:00.000-05:00

I had an epiphany!

I realized that what I wanted is not what I really wanted at all. It was just something for me to say I wanted, until I found out what I need(I hope that makes sense)

Well ne way, like when I said I wanted to leave old mill... thats not really what I wanted, I just needed friends and then I got some (plus my rezi friends who were there for me 150% of the time).

And then for the longest while i've wanted sumthing... but I knew I couldn't have it... which then made me realize that what I needed was to be happy. and guess what, im HAPPY and I dont have what I thought I wanted... I have what I needed!

Yeah, life is getting better for me one day at a time. And I used to frown down on the fact that I decided to go to old mill.... I used to blame myself for what I could of had (all the what if's) but now I see that there was a plan in all this! I made new friends, I over came change, and im starting to grow out of the what ifs.

So, from my little day of thought i've learned that change can be good... dont second guess what u pick... and what u want is not necessarily what u need. so.. keep on thinking... it can be good for u!

2004-03-04T16:02:00.000-05:00

So?! Yeah today was like all the rest, but it's okay cuz tomorrow is no skool for me... well i have to wake up w/ the rest of the skool ppl and go to a skool but its a feild trip so yeah. well I have tons of hw which stinks cuz its not simple stuff... its like writing retarded papers (whoppie for me) yeah, but i have this evening off so ill will be able to accomplish all of it, hopefully. ne ways im in a pretty good mood today... well my body is kindda tired but my minds in this whole lets make a difference and do something kindda zone. so i have this constant battle between body and mind, so ill prolly end up thinking of what i wanna do but not actually do it! yeah, so i really wanna talk to someone... i think im off to call a friend ill ttyl bye bye homies <3

2004-03-03T20:23:00.000-05:00

Isn't it amazing how ur day can be totally dull, to pretty good! yeah im in a much better mood.... i found my calling tech crew! yeah yeah i know what ur thinking, u loser. But i enjoy it, and the people are awsome...i cant wait till friday when i go to srhs w/ all of them. Well i just wanted to say how my day is a lot better!

2004-03-03T15:52:00.000-05:00

Hi ho hi ho. I'm kindda out of it today, i wanna sleep but i cant. I didnt like what i was wearing today... u know how that is. Im kindda down, its prolly cuz im really tired. it was so nice out today( i wanted to be outside, but that jail cell i go to skool in has no windows) I should just go to tech crew in my pj's its better that way. Well i get to ride past the lax dudes so that will cheer me up ;)... well im headed down to my uncles so i can get a ride. Peace out homie g-slice!!!

O, by the way im really bored... so talk to me! i have a lot to say... jkjk Bye

2004-03-02T19:24:00.000-05:00

Today was good. I spent it w/ my dad and my little brother. First i got up, and did all the primping to head out. then i went to get my cd... bad timing on my part. then we went to the bowling ally ( i lost) and then it was back to get my cd.... which i love!!! (Thanks Dan) Then i went to my dad's new place, its on the bay...so we walked down there and i played at the playground. then it was time for dinner, i ate at like 3 and then took a nap while watching beauty and the beast. Today was about reliving my childhood... from the music, to the park, to the movie... it was nice. :) I cant help but smile, today was a good day for me. i hope i have some more like this this week! We will c. TTFN

2004-03-01T22:34:00.000-05:00

It's just a little confusing. You know life and stuff that comes w/it. U know if u think about it hard enough life is pretty simple... well ur born and u live and then u die. But y do we question the living part when we know its gonna end? Why do we try to make a mark on the past, if we aren't gonna be around to see its effects? Why do we care if it doesn't matter? Why do we fight if we are never going to find peace? Why do when complain if there's nothing to complain about? Why don't people get it when you tell it to their faces? Why are some so caring, and others cruel? Why do we have opinions? Why is there a lack of faith? Why don't some people understand, while others get it off the bat? Why do we go to school if we aren't going to use everything we learned? Why is there pain and suffering in parts of the world? Why aren't we perfect? What is perfect? Who is tell someone if they are perfect or not? Why do u feel like your talking but u cant be heard? Why are there stars? Why do we ask so many questions? Why cant we be happy all the time? Why do some of us get depressed? Why do dogs bark, and cats meow? Why do we make our beds if we are just going to get back in them at night? Why do we follow the alarms and bells that society creates for us? Why do we get cold? Why aren't things explained? Why cant the past be known? Why does everyone have a secret? Why do we cry? If there are answers why don't we know them? Why do we think we are the smartest creatures? Why do we live, if we are to die? Why do we love what we cant have? Why do love? What is love? What are emotions? Why do we feel them? Why am I writing this if I know I will never find the answers? Why do I attempt, when I'm am destined to fail? How come we are affected by the same issues but not by the same life style? Why do I ask why? Why do I care? Why do I want the answers? What can become of me? What was my purpose in life? What is our purpose in life? Why can some people write, y others sing, and other keep to themselves? Why aren't we ever happy w/ what we have? Why do we try harder? What will it take to stop? What leads us to make choices when we wont know the outcomes? Why are we faced w/ so many choices in life? Are we gonna end up in the same place no matter what we pick? Why do I strive for perfection? Why do I want what I cant have? Why cant I have what I want, but others cant have what they need? Why do people hide themselves? Why does everyone wear a mask? Why is everyone different than they appear? What is the difference b/w a person born today and one who died yesterday?
*** I know my questions will not be answered, but maybe I already know the answers and its easier to ask out loud than to keep your thought bottled up inside. There are so many questions that have been left unanswered, and yet most of us would like to keep it like that. But I one of those people that wants to know everythign about everything. Maybe that's a good thing, prolly not, but does it matter? Just remember life is simple (born,live, death) but the only thing that makes it complex are the questions we have to ask. So maybe when I leave my questions wont be answered, but atleast they were asked!***

2004-03-01T15:40:00.000-05:00

So, today was not horrible. I woke up on time i might add, went to skool... used my kick ass radio pen, and came home. Now i have to go back to skool for 3 hours, and then im off to the gym.
Man i've been having these wicked awsome dreams lately... very nice! You know the ones with hot guys... its great. and tonite ill have twice as many cuz i get to sleep in (NO SKOOL YAY) I'm ready to go fall asleep now but i have to leave in a little while.
Yeah, last nite i was kicking it with Arby's (those were some nice mice) and Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory... oompa loompas are beast... and so much for the rest of the cast, what cornballs! Yeah i have a feild trip on friday to SRHS maybe there will be some hot guys from edgewater waiting for me, cuz the dudes around my dads house are pretty hot, u never know i mite get lucky! Yeah and besides going there i get to watch drama preformances so its a free day for me.

Well i'll cay yall later im outtie~ XoXo

2004-02-29T19:39:00.000-05:00

I'm back, and worse... what was a good day was still good escept now im so sick i feel like dying! my head hurts and i want my dinner, thats ill prolly get here 2 hours from now. But ne way tomorrow morning its off to skool, and then back home, and then back to skool for tech crew(if all goes well i wont be counting the mintues till it ends) Well im gonna rest up for tomorrow! XoXo

2004-02-29T13:58:00.000-05:00

Hello. Today I decided I wanted to create a blog. (So here it is) It's such a nice day and I am stuck inside so I wanted to do something! I had an awesome weekend... I went to Lizards after skool w/ her and Meg... then it was off to the beach w/ moon, lizard, and mama! " If you don't give a goose I don't give a duck" Then, "which backstreet boy is gay???" ~Moon u nut. Then dinner... Lets sing to them (that didn't go over too well) Omgsh,, Joe thanks for the beach place... me moon and Liz tumbling in the basement ... thanks for locking me out on the deck! I wuv the beach, burr I was cold walking to the candy kitchen..." By the way the candy kitchen isn't close to the convention center" Yeah, then we got dans gifts( Meg y didn't u give him the little condom, me being the retard that I am thought it was really a lollipop.. hehe) Then, I came home and slept... I got some good z's. Now im at home cleaning my room and doing homework. Love ya... GoObEr