Howdy!

2005-05-08T12:02:00.000-04:00

Okay my week...

WEDNESDAY- Crazy A.P. STAT test and boredem.
Thursday- Random school was in there somewhere. And my boss was hitting on me - - kindda weird.

THE BEST WEEKEND EVER!!! (well not quite but pretty darn close)

FRIDAY- It was fun as all hell. After the insane AP exam that I didn't study for a group of us headed to McDonalds. That was good times. Crawling through the play thing with Melissa and Mac was so much fun. "I'm Dr. Octopus!!!" Then we headed to my house to pick up a few things and then to Jessica's. Child's Play is the funniest movie ever. Who could possibably be scared of a doll? Anywho, we headed to Six Flags. It took a while to get there. First we were almost in Washington then it was the Annapolis Mall and then about 7 we got there. Man, how I enjoy acting like I'm seven. Me and Jen rode the bumper cars like 6 times(my back still hurts), and we humped some horses. haha. Melissa is bad luck or something cause the rollercoasters kept breaking but I had fun anyway. Then on the way home we stopped at a food place, oh how i needed to eat. Jess and I stayed at her house for the night. I love girl time.

SATURDAY- Well I got in a fight with my Mother and had to work. Omgsh, some retarded pshyco started pulling my hair, he had me bent back over the counter. Now I'm scared to work cause of strange people like that. He pulled hair out, I should have just left work cause that ass gave me a headache. Oh, and i got this sweater thing... kindda cute. When I got home I was ready to pass out. I wa suppose to go to Meghan's but I haad no ride... I miss that girl. So Leah stopped by and I ended up going to her house. Talk about pshycos-- look at that girl! teehee. I love her anyway, plus I got more girl time. I was nice to stay up late and talk.

Today- Well Leah and I got up and chilled around her house. I love silly string. Then, we stopped at WAWA so I could get some donuts and apple juice and then I was to CVS for I.T.S. induction stuff. Now I'm at my grandfather's waiting to go to work. I can't wait till I get the tags on my car so I can drive. YAY! I'm so excitied. Well, its off to work and then when I come home I have a lot of homework to make up.

Love yall ~Amanda

2005-04-28T20:17:00.000-04:00

Hey to all who actually read this. So this last week has been pretty awesome even though I haven't done much. Last friday @Barbara's was hot stuff. Man, I miss all you HoCo kids. Prom is going to be a blast this weekend. I can't wait until I see everyone from Reservior. Oh yeah, on Thursday (last week) I went to NYC. That was awesome, the bus ride, the trip, everything. Good Times! Well I worked all weekend and then I worked yesterday. I like making all this money. Well, AP test are coming up soon and I am not prepared at all. That stinks, oh well - - I'll try my best. Today, I spent time with Leah, that was pretty fun. We talked and I dressed up in my Prom stuff... I looked pretty darn hott if I say so myself. Anyway Beth and I are having playdough withdrawals in yearbook, I'll bring it next week... I promise. Well I'm suppose to being finishing up this assingment for Creative Writing about a belief I have. It's actually kind of hard, I have the belief its just trying to say what I think. Anyway, I'm headed home for the night. Leave me a hot one!

2005-04-18T16:02:00.000-04:00

It's been so freaking long since I've written in this thing because my computer is freaking retarded. And the last few post were from Mr. Ryals.

Anyways. We had the show that was nice. I had a blast and I made a lot of friends. That ended like 2 weeks ago. I'm crazy for all of you!!! I'm going to Reservoirs prom. I can't wait to hangout with everyone and my dress is hot. I have been single lately- - thats so freaking nice. At first it kindda blew but now I'm over it. I'm starting over, goodness there are a lot of hott people out there. Whatelse? I'm working more... not the greatest thing in the world but I need to get a car before summer starts. Umm, I'm starting to tan cause the weather is so freaking nice, and I might start running. I have off this friday (it's our spring break because the break we had over easter was a religious break. Don't ask!) So if anyone wants to hangout then hit me up, but I know some theater kids are going to play soccer so I'll probably join them at Danza. Only two more months of school, i can't wait till summer is here. Wow, my thoughts are extremely random. Huh?! Oh, I have a stalker... my 50 year physics teacher- - he's a perve. The teachers at my school are going on strike and as I have recently stated "they look so helpless standing out on the street corner in the moring with their signs... kindda like those damn homeless." Man there are like mobs of homless people that stand outside the mall, they make more than I do.

Well I have a lot to do. I promise I will update this more often even though my entries are lame. Whatever. Much love punks!

2004-07-23T18:08:00.000-04:00

It’s been awhile…

I don’t know when the last time I typed in my blog but it’s hasn’t been resent. So, I will start with last Tuesday.

Tuesday, I went to my Dad’s- -that’s about it. Oh! I saw White Chicks

Wednesday, I had a day of relaxation. I got a manicure and pedicure (that was the nicest thing ever). I went out for lunch and then I chilled around the house.

THURSDAY! I woke up at 4 a.m. to go to BWI. Our flight left at 7 and I arrived in sunny Florida at like 10:30. We took a cab (yes all seven of us) to the port where we had to catch our cruise. Omigosh that thing was huge! We got on it around noon and we had lunch. I loved that ship all the food was free- -well it was part of the payment to get on it, but I ate so much. Anyways we kind of explored the ship and then we went to our rooms and put our stuff away. Lauren and I walked around the ship and made a new friend… Bailey. We pretty much spent the rest of the day with her. We ate in the formal dinning room… that was ritzy. Then, we check out the teen club. It was kind of lame no one was dancing- -but there were free smoothes.   After we left the club we went to listen to Laura sing karaoke. Then, I went to bed.

Friday was a day at sea. The water was so blue and pretty! I chilled by the pool for the most part only getting up to use the bathroom or get some of that free ice cream. It was the captain’s ball so we all dressed up and went to the cocktail party. Then we went to dinner. After dinner Lauren and I put on our bathing suits to hop in the hot tub (which was cold but I was fine with that). Umm and then we went to listen to Laura sing some more karaoke. I was ready to go to bed by 10 but I don’t think I actually hit the sack till midnight. It was hard to tell time there because there were no clocks.
Saturday was the most exciting thing ever, but by this point I was sick of being with my family. Around 8 a.m. we woke up in Cozumel Mexico. We got off the boat around 9:30 and we headed in the direction of the “beach.” Yeah we had to take a cab to get to the real beach. The sand was so white and the water was crystal clear. I was amazing. We saw for a little while and then I saw this glass bottom boat pull up and I was like “Can we do that?” So my Dad went and asked about the price but it ended up being snorkeling too. So we got all the equipment and we went out to the reefs and we swam with the fish. I touched one! I can’t even explain the feeling I got from being out there. I was happy and intrigued and I don’t it was AWESOME! After the boat ride we went back to the beach and had some Mexican food for lunch… did you know they eat iguanas? Anyway the food was awesome. I walked to some of the shops and the people that humor me. “I’ve been waiting for you!” “Come in” “I’ll make a deal!” All they wanted was your money. Then this old man was hitting on me… it was funny stuff. I ended up losing $20 there… someone must of gotten into my wallet or I lost it like the moron that I am. Well we caught a taxi back to the port and we had dinner on the ship. That evening was horrible. So, my Dad never really punishes my brother for anything and it annoys me to no end. So my brother hit me and then I hit him and it kept going back and forth because my Dad wouldn’t tell him to stop. So then my brother knocks over the water and my Dad yells at me. He always yells at me! I marched off. I was PISSED! I ended up in the teen room where I was the only girl, but I did learn how to play Texas Hold em’ and I won! Yeah buddy. Then I ended up going to my room where I ran into Lauren who bought me a bobble head turtle… it made me happy. Then we went out shopping where I got some stuff for my mommy. Then I was back to the ship where I walked around some more. They had free tacos so I ate a few of those and then I went to bed.

Sunday was another day at sea. I laid out in the sun. My Dad came in third in the slot tournament.   That evening Laura was in the Legends Show for her singing. Oh, I played some Bingo in the teen room and won. I am just so excellent. Sunday was kind of a chill day but there was a lot to do. We had to pack up our stuff and there were tons of shows and contest to watch. But Sunday was the hottest day ever (as in heat). Oh, then I opened up…the boat was really rocky and well I was getting sick so I chilled in a window seat and I ended up yelling random things at people. It was actually pretty funny. You had to be there. Yeah, after everything was done I went to bed.

Monday, we landed! I woke up at about 8 and grabbed some breakfast than I sat in my room till they told us to go to our muster stations. Then I sat there and waited for them to call us off the boat. After that there was a lot of standing in lines and rain. We went to our hotel checked in; my dad grabbed our “rent-a-car.” We all passed out in the hotel… the rain makes people pretty sleepy. Oh, and once again a drink was spilled on me. Thanks to Hunter who annoyed me and made me laugh. I just love little kids who spill soda on you then stick their grubby little fingers in your salad while you eat it. When we woke up we grabbed some food and then we headed to the movie theater to see A Cinderella Story. Omigosh I loved that movie, I don’t know I’m a goober.

Tuesday it rained a lot. We went to Bush Gardens. I’m telling you now- - NEVER TRAVEL IN LARGE GROUPS!!! There was a lot of arguing and whining.   Even though there was a ton of rain it was nice because there weren’t too many people. Therefore I was able to ride everything I wanted to. So my Tuesday was spent at an amusement park. Oh, if you ever got to the Bush Gardens in Tampa see KaTonga because it’s an awesome show.

Wednesday I went to the water park. There was also a lot of arguing on Wednesday. It was hot and crowded so I spent most of my time in the lazy river but eventually I made it to most of the waterslides. It wasn’t the best water park but I was glad that I could hangout with my Dad for more than an hour without getting mad. But that all changed when we left the park to meet up with Laura Lauren and Hunter. The amusement park was just too crowded so we went back to the hotel where we played poker, scrabble and ate three pizzas. We all passed out!

Thursday was extremely slow. We tried to find things to do before our flight so we went to the Harley Shop the mall. I got the cutest outfit. Then we went to the airport like 6 hours before we had to catch our plane. So we played games and ate dinner at Fridays in the mall. I got home around 12:30 last night/ this morning whatever. And today I ended up cleaning my room, unpacking, and hanging out with Mr. Ryals. No not Chris’ dad!

That’s my week in a nutshell.

2004-07-13T00:35:00.000-04:00

I haven't written in here in a few days, but I have some stuff to say!

First I'll update yall on what I've been up to. Friday, I chilled. Saturday was awesome cause of Kenny-- Chesney that is! Sunday was full of fun with a picnic and a birthday and some Meghan staying over. Today, I chilled with Meghan Dan and Chris... that was some fun there!

Well, tomorrow I'm leaving for my Dad's so we can head to Tampa on Thursday. I have this cruise and some days in Tampa... hopefully my brother doesn’t get on my nerves. It should be fun.

Now to the me having something to say... well most of it wont make sense but here it goes. This summer is an excellent time to hangout with friends and looking at pictures and having conversations with old friends made me realize that I missed a lot this year. I really wanted this summer to be a time when I could catch up with everybody but when I spend time with people I feel like the odd man out. I miss having that one best friend or someone that knows exactly what’s going on. But these last few days have also helped me catch up with friends! That was nice. You never know the values of a friend until you feel like you are losing one, and in my case I felt like I was losing a lot. But all this pre-vacation stuff has helped me rebond with my dear friends.

Well, I have another friend of sorts, who I spend a lot of time with. And I absolutely love it- it's just so nice to be able to spend so much time with the same person and not get sick of them. lol. Yeah, well this vacation is gonna be hard on me cause I haven’t been this long with out seeing them. But it should be good for me... I'm going on a cruise for crying out loud, but it will also give me some time to think things out. Have you ever realized that you can be so close to someone and it’s still hard to tell them how you feel? or what you wanna say doesn't come out as planned? Yeah, well that happens to me all the time... and then hopefully after this trip things I wanna say will come out as planned. Like how much-- oh never mind

On and thanks to some awesome friends.. Amanda and Chris I kindda like this Matchbook Romance crap. Just kidding its not crap. And along with Miss Knopp I've really enjoyed the song tiger lily! Yeah well it kindda hits home... nah it hits home perfectly!!! Enjoy...

We drive tonight and you are by my side we're talking about our lives like we've known each other forever the time flies by with the sound of your voice its close to paradise with the end surely near and if I could only stop the car and hold onto you and never let go I'll never let go as we round the corner to your house you turned to me and said "I'll be going through with drawl of you for this one night we have spent" and I want to speak these words but I guess I'll just bite my tongue and except someday, somehow as the words that we'll hang from And I, I don't want to speak these words cause I, I don't want to make things any worse Why does tonight have to end Why don't we hit restart and pause it at our favorite parts we'll skip the goodbyes If I had it my way I'd turn the car around and run away just you and I

Well that’s all I have for my blogger. But as soon as I get back from Florida I will be sure to inform everyone about what I did. XoXo

2004-07-08T10:01:00.000-04:00

Goodness!

I really hate computers because I tried to update my blogger earlier this week but my computer froze. So a lot has happened since I got back from the beach. That Friday I went to my Dad's and sat much like I did on Saturday. But on Saturday I went swimming. Sunday was the 4th and we went and saw a movie... well they all saw Spiderman 2 and I saw Saved+ all by my lonesome. I didn't see Spiderman cause I'm going to see it today... fun fun fun. Monday I chilled with Chris and we watched movies and Family Guy all day. We are the biggest dorks ever. Tuesday, I went to Six Flags. It didn't work out as planned but I did get to see everyone. Sorry to all those who were upset or didn't have fun. Omgsh... the woman that worked at the food place was really retarded. First she gave my friend Barbara a ripped 5 dollar bill and said "I don't have any tape." Then she gave me $3 change in dimes. She tried charging Chris twice and it took 10 mins for Krista to get her food. Well after we left Six Flags Krista and Barbara came over here and chilled until Barbara's aunt picked her up and my mom took me and Krista to Krista's house. We chilled. Yesterday We went to the pool, than it rained so I came home and talked on the phone (I did a lot of talking)Then the day was followed up by hanging out with Chris. So that's what I haven't got to type in awhile.

Today...
I plan to do some stuff around the house. My dad stopped by to drop off the luggage, I guess that means I have to start packing for my trip. I'm going to see Spiderman 2 with Chris and Leah. Then, I have to give Meghan a call so we can hangout. I have to go shopping to pick up a gift and then I have to call Amanda about hanging out tomorrow. Yes, I have to get a move on it. But I will be sure to update yall later. XoXo

2004-07-01T18:11:00.000-04:00

Well I'm home at last. The beach was nice. We got down there Tuesday and ran into Mr. Goldsmith and played some put-put. Then Wednesday Chris and I endured the sun ( Yeah I'm not half as burnt as Mr. Ryals). Knopp and Barbara joined us, that was fun. Well we left the beach only to find that Chris had a flat so my Dad came to the rescue. We chilled at the beach house. I got very little sleep because i'm a wussy and can stand the pain of sunburn. Well I came home today and chilled with Jessica. That was nice. Now I'm sitting here waiting for dinner. Peace Out!

2004-06-29T09:14:00.000-04:00

Look where I'm headed!

2004-06-29T09:04:00.000-04:00

Yay!
It's Tuesday and I'm all ready to go. I'm headed to the beach today, I haven't been since Feb... so I'm excited about that. Hopefully I'll see some old friends up there. I wish I was staying longer because I love it down there, but I'll go back later this summer. I'm suppose to go to Bethany and Ocean City again, that should be fun. Well listening to the radio this morning only made me wanna go to the beach more, cuz they were talking about Ocean City. Well I have my bags packed and all I have to do is my hair. So I'm off to do that. Love ya!

2004-06-28T11:37:00.000-04:00

Monday, Monday, Monday.
So I woke up today at 6 am becasue I thought I had to go to school. I'm such a goober. So I ate, finished my book, and exercised. Once my Mother left I feel asleep for 3 hours and then my brother woke me up saying its tuesday. You should have seen me it was the funniest thing ever. I get up start running in circles saying " I have to call dad! I have to pack my bags! Whens he gonna be here?" Then after a few moments of confusion I realized yesterday was Sunday and today is Monday and I got in the shower. Now I'm here eatting my lunch. Wanna do something to day?! Call me! Peace out!

2004-06-26T22:48:00.000-04:00

It feels like Sunday.
I had a wonderful time with my girls on Friday. I missed the old days, spending time at the mall, hollering at dudes, sneaking out, talking about the most random crap. It was fun, and I'm glad summer is here so I can spend more time with the gals. The weekend wasn't fun just because of the girls, I actually did stuff today. I drove home and then we (my family) went to Columbia Lake and I walked around that twice and read my book. That was the most relaxing thing I have done in awhile. I wanted to stay there all day, it was just so nice outside.Then we cooked out at my mom's best friends house. The food was great. Well, I have a headache so I'm gonna go.

2004-06-25T12:54:00.000-04:00

So...
I'm actually doing something today, I'm at Barbara's. Man, how I miss Dumhart!!! Well we plan on going to the mall. I was at the mall last night. I went and saw dodgeball w/ Liz and Meghan and some dudes from Hammond. I painted my walls yesterday which wasn't the smartest thing to do cuz now my mom is mad. Yay, I'm gonna be in trouble. I got two belts last night at the mall, one had fishies (how cute). Oh man
I found an OLD SCHOOL toy at barbara's. Remember those neo pets and the tamagotchi's? I found one. Yes so this weekend should be killer. I miss by old buddies. Well Barbara is in the shower right now so I really don't have anything to do but talk in this blogger. It looks like its gonna rain, thats not cool. Oh man, I gonna go to the snowball stand... I miss walking up there. The phone is ringing, oh look I answered it. Those darn theatre kids are at Six Flags today... darn them. Too bad I'm going there in a few weeks. Well Barbara and Knopp leave for the beach Sunday so I wont have them to talk to for a week, yeah I'm gonna be bored. Oh yeah, Chris comes home Sunday so I'll have someone to be bored with. Syke! We have fun... sometimes, okay all the time. Well Little Miss Knopp is headed over here some I'm gonna get off and find something productive to do. Love ya

2004-06-24T11:08:00.000-04:00

Its amazing how much better you feel when things get done. I woke up today, ate, cleaned my room, I got rid of all the clothes I dont wear or need. I organized my room and books and stuff. I actually have plans for everyday until wednesday. Today I'm going to the movies, man I haven't just hung out w/ my friends in awhile. Its kindda nice. I like this summer thing becasue I can stay up all night. Yes, I was on the phone till almost 2 then I woke my mom up to inform her about my hatred for stupid people who do stupid stuff. But the days are kindda boring, I have nothing to do. But I started making plans for myself and hopefully I can keep up with them all summer. Well I'm off to shower and read and do somemore stuff. Love Ya. Oh, and now you can leave comments to my questions like, Wanna go to Six Flags???

2004-06-23T23:25:00.000-04:00

Hey Guys! I can put pictures on here now!

2004-06-23T10:18:00.000-04:00

Wow, I haven't written in here in a long time. Its kindda sad. Well school has ended. I spent the weekend with my dad. Friday I went to Medival Times and put in an application. Sunday I went my aunts house on the eastern shore and I realized how badly I wanna live there. Monday I hung out w/ Chris and did some crew stuff at the school. Last night was a blast. Jill and I went to see the PPTC perform at Nat'ls. There was a strange guy that was gonna " eat our babies!" Jill your a goober. The show was great and it was kindda nice to beable to sit down and watch it. We sat with a few other old mill people. Then the show ended and we went to visit everyone in the dressing rooms and then we ended up on the stage. " NO SHOES! NO SHOES!" I was so confused, I had shoes on. Anyway we went outside to wait for my mom, who never showed up at the Tawes Theatre, but it was fun to walk across the parking lot at 11:30. Oh, and I named this kid Barbie... he was a little different. Well today I'm suppose to go driving I hope that woman shows up or else I'll be extremely mad, again! Well that means I have to go get ready. But this is for anyone who reads my blogger, especially you scaggsville/fulton/laurel kids. Next week is pretty empty for me and this weekend too, so if you wanna hang out give me a call. And the 6th (of July) a bunch of us are going to Six Flags for the day so if you wanna come call me ... or Meggie C or Lizard. Oh by the way my number is 410.519.0636 or you can reach me on my cell at 443.694.6870 Love ya!!!

2004-06-05T22:08:00.000-04:00

Yippy.
I'm at my Dad's again and I was really bored today. I am so sick of television that I wanna shoot myself. I need people to talk to before I go dig myself a grave. Yeah this week was okay. My computer at home is broken so there's no more interent for me. I start summer vacation in two weeks, that should be fun. My birthday is Wednesday (yay, not really) this 16th b-day stuff is retarded. I'm in a pretty crummy mood, prolly because I didn't do jack this weekend. Oh, I did see Mean Girls... umm it was okay. This rain blows and I wanna go home. The kids here are annoying me to death, and my cell phone gets no reception. So my weekend sucks... oh tomorrow i'm going to my grandmothers. That I don't mind it's just the fact the I have to sit around here ad be bored, and then at like 3 I'll go there and I wont leave until 5 and that is a waste of my day. Well, I think I'm gonna make the rest of my day suck by going to bed at 10:15. Fun times. Yeah this really blows (I said that already) I wanna cry or something!!!!

2004-05-31T10:21:00.000-04:00

I did something this morning, I changed my blog layout. They need some cooler ones to pick from.

Well this week and weekend has been pretty good. Saturday night I made hundred dollars for 4 hours. Yes, I just love watching the rich peoples kids. Then yesterday was kindda dull, but I did get to see Barbara, Knopp, and Natalie. That was nice. Today, Well today I don't know what I'm doing. I know I have to finish this homework stuff but I have no idea how long that will take. But I know I finished that extremely pointless science fair project. That was a waste of my time.

I wonder what I can do with this blogger. Maybe I can add pictures?! Well, i'm not too sure so I'm gonna find out. Peace home pickle slices.

2004-05-25T22:11:00.000-04:00

So...
So, I've was thinking, yes thinking is definitely a bad thing for me. And so I was thinking about stuff, and me! And then I realized, "Wow, I'm kind of mean." Yeah I realized that I say some hurtful things, and even though I say them in a joking manner, no one should have to put up with that kind of verbal assault. Yes, and then I was thinking about spring. Yes, I know I'm random. But spring, we really don't have a spring in Maryland, and if we do someone needs to inform me. But anyways, spring is like the time for flowers, and happiness, and that other lovey dovey stuff. But the idea of spring is kind nice, I just wish it weren't so darn hot around here. Then, I was thinking about friendship. Friends are great, especially when you can actually talk to them, or see them, or carry a conversation. I miss having a best friends, or close friends. It has occurred to me that I'm just not as close to people as I used to be, and I miss that so very much. But yeah, I will be sure to try and be closer. I was also thinking about this job thing, cause I really don't want to work. And gas, well its really expensive so there's no point in paying $2.11 for gas when you only make $6.50. So I don't know what I'm gonna do about that summer job thing. Wow, summer is great. I love it, cause you can hang out with people, and go on vacation, and there's no school. Yes, I really love summer. Today I watched some Veggie Tales... Yes I'm just that cool, and I realized "Wow I miss church" and the feeling that I get when I go. No, not the "Its Sunday and I wanna sleep", the "Oh, I feel extremely religious, and there is a reason for me to be here." Yeah, I really miss that. But today was good, besides the fact that I took a unneeded nap. But I hung out w/ a person... and they stayed at my house longer than two mins once again. Yeah, is to wrong to be this happy, I have no clue. Well I'm headed to bed so I can get up early tomorrow and do this science fair stuff, or maybe I'll do it in class. I'm not too sure. XoXo

2004-05-21T22:11:00.000-04:00

Yes, I tried so update date this crappy journal thing earlier this week but my computer is dumb. Yes, so everything has been good since last weekend. I had prom, that was a blast. I did the school thing, which went by extremely slow. I hung out w/ Chris and Sarah... I saw some.Shrek 2 on Wednesday (it was funny)! Then,toay well I'm at my dad's. I just made him go out, cuz I drank the milk and it was sour... prolly because it was from May 1st ( yeah thats really gross) Plus I have a phobia of expired food... especially milk. So my stomach is burning... thats not too good, but whatever. Has anything exciting happened lately?-- Well no, not really. Oh, today I got an application, I'm really dreading the work thing, because I'm a very lazy person. Yup, so thats whats new in the the wonderful world of me.

2004-05-12T20:11:00.000-04:00

Wow, have I mentioned that I absolutely hate emotions. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me... I'm sad, angry, well I'm pretty much depressed, and I don't know why. I realized that I feel the way I did at the beginning of the year when I wasn't happy with anything! Like when I was cheering, that's exactly what I feel like, yeah and its definitely not a good way to feel. I hated the beginning of the year because I felt like this, and I hate right now cause I feel like this (and I don't know how to explain this feeling) Yeah, I was having a good day... and then I started to think. I'm not happy with any thing, not myself or anything that is happening around me. I hate when I feel like this cause then I get these stupid thoughts, stuff I really shouldn't be thinking about. Yeah well life's a bitch and hopefully I feel better, I'll let time run it's course.

2004-05-10T22:37:00.000-04:00

So I've been thinking a lot in the last 2 hours. And the more I think the worse I feel, I just wanna cry. I don't know why I feel so emotional or retarded like, but whatever. I've been thinking about how a lie affects one person, even a small fib. I don't know, I guess I feel sorry for anyone I've ever lied to, cause I know that is sucks. I realized its hard for me to trust people just because of what happened a year ago. When you can't trust your on family member it hard to trust everyone else. That's the reason I've kept a lot in this year, and prolly why I feel bad a lot of the time. Maybe if I had better mental health I'd feel healthier all the time. And now I feel like I can't confide in people again, but I'm not sure... I'm just retarded (It doesn't matter what I say I guess cause no one reads this). I wanna be able to talk about how I feel, but its so hard for even me to figure out what I feel. I keep things inside so much that when one little thing sets me off I can't grab a single emotion and focus on it. Lately I've been angry at my family, and I don't know why. I shouldn't have so much hatred and pain for people that care about me, but I do. And then I've been overwhelmed, I feel like I can't organize jack and so I push myself further away from what I need to do. Once I push away all my "work" I feel stressed because I know it has to get done eventually. Then, I keep telling myself and everyone else thay I'm so happy, but I don't think I am. Yes, I'm happy with all the things that I have been blessed with... but I have deeper feelings, feeling that I keep trying to cover. Even when I'm "happy" I wanna cry, but I hold back the tears because I'm ashamed to cry infront of people. I wish things were easier, like feelings and stuff where easier to express. The person that I always used to cry infront of, I can no longer trust (Plus they don't seem to understand me anymore). The person that I want to cry infront of, I don't think I'm ready for them to see my tears. The people I wish I could cry infront feel so far away. Then theres the person I don't wanna cry infront of, and that would be me. I feel bad when I cry, I feel like I don't deserve to cry. I feel like my tears are fake and have no value. I feel like I wanna get help but I can't because then I realize that there are people that need more help than I do. I feel selfish when I cry, like the world has to focus on me. But I just wanna cry. When I'm sitting in a seat listening to music I wanna cry. When I lay in bed before I sleep I wanna cry. When I think about my past I wanna cry. When I feel alone I wanna cry. When I'm sitting in class I wanna cry.When I can't tell how I really feel I wanna cry. And right now I wanna cry, but I can't because I'm ashamed. I'm scared that if I let my tears out I'll let myself out andI don't wanna feel vulnerable. I don't wanna get hurt, I don't know. Right now I feel like I'm being selfish because I'm talking about myself, but when I write I feel like I'm letting go. I'm letting go of my emotional stress, I'm freeing myself of the chains I used to restrict myself, I feel like I have accomplished something. Well I would sit here and write all night but I do have school tomorrow. So I think I'm going to take what I have learned from writing about myself and help me to open up... maybe I need a good cry. I need to let myself go, maybe I need to talk to someone, but right now I have to get through to myself so I can figure out whats wrong. Well I'm off... God Bless.

2004-05-06T19:23:00.000-04:00

It's Thursday, and I'm counting down...

2 hrs till my family comes back home.
1 day till
school is over
I go to the dentsit ( fun)
I go to dinner w/ Chris and Sarah
I see Rezi again, and all my friends of course
2 days till Main Street
3 days till Mother's day (Darn it i have to get a gift)
4 days till Monday ( eww that means its school )

Then sometime during next week I have Prom or something like that... yeah I'll have a blast cuz I'm in the 10th grade (lol). Well I wish I had the same assembly that the Reservoir people had b/c i want to hear stuff that will affect me like it did yall... I seems like it was a life changing thing. Well instead this dude came and basically told me how I lack life goals. Ya, screw that! So, I'm off

2004-05-02T21:18:00.000-04:00

It's been a while.
Yes, so this week (including the weekend) has been pretty good.

Wednesday- I had school and then I chilled w/ a chipmunk... Your less chipmunky these days.

Thursday- Well, I had school and homework ( I think) Huh, I'm not to sure.

Friday- I had a blast. I got my hair "trimmed" and went to the mall w/ a couple of cool cats. I bought some stuff, and stayed the night at Barbara's with some more cool cats, who I miss more than you can picture. Oh, and I got to see some really white people rap like crap.

Saturday- Well I chilled with Topher. Yeah we are losers cuz we did what we always do, watched movies, and drove around. We did get some ice cream, it was good and there was a lot but it made me sick. And then we went back to his house and watched another movie (Big Daddy encase anyone cares)

Today- Well today, today I woke up at 11:33 after having an excellent dream. So, I did my homework and then I showered. Topher picked me up and we dropped stuff off at the library, went to the closed florist, I ate at subway, we chilled at the park ( I loved the colors), we drove around, I showed him where my aunt lived, we stopped at Khols, and then played some put put. Then, it was back to his house where we watch some Family Guy... I think I'm addicted. I ate some dinner, and came home. So now I'm here talking about what I did all week, and no one cares... but yeah. So I'm off to bed cuz I have school tomorrow, YAY!!!

2004-04-27T15:06:00.000-04:00

Kiss me out of the bearded barley
Nightly, beside the green, green grass
Swing, swing,(swing, swing) swing the spinning step
You wear those shoes and I will wear that dress

Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight
Lead me out on the moonlit floor
Lift up your open hand
Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance
Silver moon's sparkling
So kiss me

Kiss me (kiss me) down by the broken tree house
Swing me (swing me) upon it's hanging tire
Bring, bring,(bring, bring) bring your flowered hat
We'll take the trail marked on your father's map

Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight
Lead me out on the moonlit floor
Lift your open hand
Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance
Silver moon's sparkling
So kiss me

Kiss me beneath the milky twilight
Lead me out on the moonlit floor
Lift your open hand
Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance
Silver moon's sparkling
So kiss me

* So I'm in the mood to watch She's All That. I'll prolly rent it when I go to the library. Today is only Tuesday, I think i discussed this in my blog this morning. Yeah, I have tons of hw and such... I think a movie should be relaxing. Man I'll burn some of those aroma therapy candles... wow I hope they have my movie. So I'm off to do something, prolly sit on my butt, but what the hey.*

2004-04-27T06:15:00.000-04:00

Wow, its 6:15 and I stayed up all night. Syke I'm waiting to go catch the big yellow cheese wagon. Man I can't wait for tomorrow, cuz that means I made it halfway through the week. Yeah so yesterday was Monday.... and the first day in school, which means I have 4 more days of classes. Yeah, I had an okay day. I did some homework, and chilled w/ Chris. Goodtimes spent by all. Yeah and now I sit here and wait, I really shouldn't wait, but I already get enough sleep so I can't do that. Maybe I can ... I don't know I have to leave in like 5 mins. So my foot,knees, and back all hurt, maybe I need a new bed. Yeah I think thats what I need. Yeah so I was listening to the radio this morning, like I do every morning and well, they were talking about how people pray mostly about good health. And I was all like, "Wow, thats true for me." Yeah I thought you might wanna know that, syke I know no one cares what I write. lol.
Well I'm off to the bus, bye bye.