Oh, how i miss my blogger and my free time, and well my life! Yeah I've been wrapped up in this whole theatre thing more than i need to be. Well tomorrow begins the run of the Wizard of Oz, and I have so much crap to do (school wise). Any how, I've been good, tired, but good none the less. I keep over sleeping, and I wonder why (Duh its cuz i get on my computer everyday and do nothing else) Well if I have an enlightenment I will be sure to note it in my blog, but my life is kindda dull and im too tired to keep my eyes open, so GOODNIGHT!!!

All I can say is... "Weee"rrre off to see the Wizard, the wonderful Wizard of Oz" Yup I definitely spent 9 hours listening to the musical. I actually did stuff too, I didn't just sit around. First, sanded monkey tails (whoopee), and then I learned spot light, and all the lighting crapola... and then I used the lights during run throughs. But now i have a headache, aww poor me. So I'm back home, all alone as usual and I have to do my homework. Thats should be a blast. Oh, now I remember the CD I wanted... Josh Kelly (okay I can't forget that) Well I feel like im talking to myself... so im off, but not to see the wonderful Wizard of Oz!!!

Today, well today was okay. I went to skool and crew, where I had a decent time. Then I came back to hell... yes I went "home" if thats even what u can call it. My mom is on my last nerve, along w/ my brother. I get the third degree all the time, and I'm always being yelled at (cuz I guess I can't do anything right) but I'm used to that. But the last two days have been retarded as anything... maybe this weekend will be better.

Hello Clitty! (Yeah don't ask... im a moron) So, today was pretty good. I went to skool, got my claculator back, lost my purse... and got it back. Then, I went to "french club" not really it was more like i got papers and learned crap for 20 mins. Then, I listened to my CD player and did homework. After that, I harassed some actors and did costume stuff. Then, it was to props were I did more of nothing!!! Now I'm home and trying to study for a test, but i know nothing so i don't see the point in studying... so yeah.

How things changes.
Yeah I had a great weekend, and a good day and then I got "emotional" ewww i hate that!!!

Its funny how you never know what will happen. Times change, and people change, and nothing remains the same; not you, not friendship,nothing! I sit here and I cry because I know I will never have what I thought I was suppose to have. What I have is good, and what I had I miss, if only I could have them both. But that would just make me a greedy person ( I think). Plus, I can't have them both because things have changed... and I don't have that best friend, or that old me. Maybe the changes are good, but I miss what I had cuz I love what I had. And its kindda ironic, because when others thought I would "replace" them I didn't, but now I feel like I am being replace... and it absolutely sucks. Yeah, so I should really stop thinking about stuff, it just makes me feel worse.

On a lighter note, I had a good weekend; Movies, Meg Liz & Natalie, and then The Greatest Show on Earth ( I shoulda wore my Cowgirl hat) Yeah and then today I did homework, and cried!!!

Hello all!

I had a great weekend! Friday, was my last day of drivers ed... hip hip hooray. Then Meg came over, we went to the mall where Natalie and Lizard joined us. Then, it was back to my house where we enjoyed the Lion King!!! ( I feel asleep). Then it was Saturday, I woke up early to head to skool for stage crew... I didn't do nething but chilled and learned how to play chess( You knowur I.Q. goes up everytime you play)Then I came home did the good ol' homework and watched Enough, showered you know. Meghan left, and Chris came and picked me up.. Me, Helen, Meg ( a different one) and Chris headed to B-more (Holla) to see the circus. Once again I relived me childhood... it was great. Then we drove around aimlessly, got some free food.. and then it was back home to bed. Today, I woke up early did all my hw and now I'm chilling... so I got a lot accomplished! Oh, and I called Knopp ( I miss that girl). So I had a very exciting weekend... yup! Then, I go to skool tomorrow, whoopee. :(

Wow, I'm proud of you u actually read this!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Yeah I don't patience for anyone or anything today. My brother and my mom are annoying. People keep calling and I want to scream. Today was good, and then I came home. HA! And look my mom just left so im stuck here w/ my brother... fuck this (oops i cussed... w/e that how I feel) So im off to go be isolated, I need it right now!

TODAY! I had skool, and i babysat and I ate and did hw. burr its getting cold out there!( I would know cuz i stood out there in the "snow" waiting for my ride") Well im off to bed red headed fred!

OK! I put an end to all this madness... One Tree Hill doesnt air again until April 6th... so thats like 2 weeks w/o Chad!!! O what is a girl to do? So I guess I have to find something else to do... like sleep... or talk online. Well, St. Patty's day is tomorrow! So pinch pinch pinch!!!

Yeah! So, this is my last week of drivers ed. YAY!!! Then I have busy weekend, Meg and Liz are suppose to come over... im confused about the day. Next, i have tech time... and then we are off to the circus ( atleast i think) Then, Sunday is prolly a veg day... so it should be good... i have to squeeze in time for hw and family but other than that I'll be straight! (That was gangsta(h) yo!) Ok w/e... bye

Wowzers, I haven't typed in this thing in like 3 or 4 days. Prolly cuz i wasnt near a computer all weekend. Friday i went to a dance at rezi... kindda lame, but very fun... my friends were there and i had a blast. Then it was off to Knopps, were I passed out w/ Justine and Barbara! Saturday, I went to my Dad's, out to dinner (o yeah i have to call meghan), and then to Best Busy where I bought my Maroon 5 CD, and then my dad's g/f let me drive home.... and guess what i didnt crash!!!! Today, I did my hw watched the tube and ate... and now i feel like crap! But my weekend was pretty good! AND now I'm off to bed.. well after I shower.. cant wait to see eveyone tomorrow.
Oh, and you know that last blog i typed in... 4get about it... i've been thinking and I can do so much better (sike) but i was thinking and I really am ok w/o liking that person!
Love Yall!

I'm one of those people who are bad at saying what they feel, but here it goes; I want to be able to say how I feel about people, especially one person... I think I really like them, and I don't know if its just a crush or if it is really something I'd like to have. Yeah we are friends right now, but can control the way I feel and I tell myself not to feel so strongly towards them, but the more I deny my feelings, the more upset I get w/ myself. And you may think I don't take you seriously, but I do... and I act like to do b/c I don't want to be rejected... I know that feeling all too well! And I just don't wanna get hurt by "liking" someone who may not even like me back. Yeah yeah, well I know I'm going on and on, but atleast im getting it out. It's late and it mite be that im tiresome, but I really would like to get to know you better, but im scared that the closer I get the more it will hurt when its time for my rejection! Ewww, crushes suck butt, but you know what can you do! Well i'm saying how I feel, and I really want to get to know you better, and I want to be able to talk more openly about I feel, not just w/ others but w/ myself! Maybe the person I want to see this will, and if not its ok... But atleast I got it out of my system and I feel better about it all.
Writing things out, even if they are able to express how I feel helps to cleanse me of everything that is holding me back.

Hi! I have had a pretty slow day, school, drivers ed, and hw... a lot of education stuff. Yeah, i wanna help but i dont know what i should say, plus im scared to help others cuz most of the time im scared to help myself. But umm, life is going... and im going to my dads this weekend YAY! I also am going to Rezi for the dance... i need to umm find a warmer outfit! Oh, Krista i think we mite freeze to death... well i love you!

Meg, this is for you cuz i love ya and I hope you feel better! Member the "boys have cooties" and everything will be okay, cuz everyone loves ya ( UR AWSOME)

Love ya always,

I got my learners... :)

Um, yeah! So drivers ed started today... um yeah!

Love is such an amazing thing! Love is one of those things that everyone hopes to find, and when they do theres nothing like it in the entire world. Love causes people to do strange things. You can be fighting with someone and love can cause you to make up like that. Love can make you sick, love can make you happy, love can hurt, love can be destructive. Some people find love in strange places, while others never find it at all. some people think they have found love, while others know they have. but love comes w/ baggage and it brings more than many think. Well I'm still looking for love, not love from my family but love from myself and from someone i want to spend my life with (but im young so i have time)!

Well here is this biblical definition of what love is... and for some reason i always remember it so here it goes~
Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves

Love always~ ME

Hey, i'm headed to Krista's (man i havent seen her in awhile), then the mall and then back to her house... i can't wait! O and i have to study so i can get my learners!

When do you know how it feels? I’ve been thinking about it all day…when u see someone cry, and u wanna help but u don’t know how cuz you barely know the person. Well I wanted to help, and it was strange b/c yeah people have cried and confided in me, but never someone I barely know, it was just different. I wanted so bad to help, and I tired my best to do so, but I’ve had this feeling… I can’t even explain it. It was odd, not a bad odd but a good one, it mad me feel good. And I think I made a friend out of it, and that makes me really happy. I know I might sound retarded rite about now, but I’m happy someone came to me when they needed someone to turn to, even thought I may not be their closest friend, because I know what it feels like to be sad and want someone, but there’s no one there. Friends are priceless, and without a friend to confide in, its hard to confide in yourself. I once heard, that you make your best friends after something bad happens, because usually that bad thing brings the two of you together. And know what!?! I believe that quote on many different levels. So i know how it feels, how it feels to help someone, and feel good about it. i know what it feels like to make a new friend, and I know what it feels like to have a good day.
(My NIGHT TIME PRAYER)
Dear Lord,
Thank you for everything you have blessed me with. Thank you for shelter over my head, food on my table, a family in my heart, friends in my soul, and you on my mind. Thank you Lord for everything I’ve learned from you, and everything I’ve yet to learn. Thank you for everything you’ve given to me and everything I’ve yet to receive, because I know whatever you give me I will learn from. Think you for my health and for watching over everyone. I pray that everyone finds room for you in their hearts, and that you watch after everyone in the world, and bless them much like you have blessed me and my family. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

Woot Woot! Today was an off day and I had a blast. I got all cute, and went on my field trip to SRHS. Wow, they have windows there... unlike the jail cell I go to skool in. Well ne ways I watched some comedies, some dramas.... " Bang Bang, your Dead" is a very touching play... I cried. Then, after my work shops and lunch, I went and saw so many comedies (omgsh I have a headache from laughing so hard) Well I helped judge the festival, and now I'm at home. I'm gonna pass on hanging out tonite... but I think I mite go running! I need it. Well today was a good day, easy, fun, touching, motivating, and there were a few hotties! :) XoXo Luv ya all

I had an epiphany!

I realized that what I wanted is not what I really wanted at all. It was just something for me to say I wanted, until I found out what I need(I hope that makes sense)

Well ne way, like when I said I wanted to leave old mill... thats not really what I wanted, I just needed friends and then I got some (plus my rezi friends who were there for me 150% of the time).

And then for the longest while i've wanted sumthing... but I knew I couldn't have it... which then made me realize that what I needed was to be happy. and guess what, im HAPPY and I dont have what I thought I wanted... I have what I needed!

Yeah, life is getting better for me one day at a time. And I used to frown down on the fact that I decided to go to old mill.... I used to blame myself for what I could of had (all the what if's) but now I see that there was a plan in all this! I made new friends, I over came change, and im starting to grow out of the what ifs.

So, from my little day of thought i've learned that change can be good... dont second guess what u pick... and what u want is not necessarily what u need. so.. keep on thinking... it can be good for u!

So?! Yeah today was like all the rest, but it's okay cuz tomorrow is no skool for me... well i have to wake up w/ the rest of the skool ppl and go to a skool but its a feild trip so yeah. well I have tons of hw which stinks cuz its not simple stuff... its like writing retarded papers (whoppie for me) yeah, but i have this evening off so ill will be able to accomplish all of it, hopefully. ne ways im in a pretty good mood today... well my body is kindda tired but my minds in this whole lets make a difference and do something kindda zone. so i have this constant battle between body and mind, so ill prolly end up thinking of what i wanna do but not actually do it! yeah, so i really wanna talk to someone... i think im off to call a friend ill ttyl bye bye homies <3

Isn't it amazing how ur day can be totally dull, to pretty good! yeah im in a much better mood.... i found my calling tech crew! yeah yeah i know what ur thinking, u loser. But i enjoy it, and the people are awsome...i cant wait till friday when i go to srhs w/ all of them. Well i just wanted to say how my day is a lot better!

Hi ho hi ho. I'm kindda out of it today, i wanna sleep but i cant. I didnt like what i was wearing today... u know how that is. Im kindda down, its prolly cuz im really tired. it was so nice out today( i wanted to be outside, but that jail cell i go to skool in has no windows) I should just go to tech crew in my pj's its better that way. Well i get to ride past the lax dudes so that will cheer me up ;)... well im headed down to my uncles so i can get a ride. Peace out homie g-slice!!!

O, by the way im really bored... so talk to me! i have a lot to say... jkjk Bye

Today was good. I spent it w/ my dad and my little brother. First i got up, and did all the primping to head out. then i went to get my cd... bad timing on my part. then we went to the bowling ally ( i lost) and then it was back to get my cd.... which i love!!! (Thanks Dan) Then i went to my dad's new place, its on the bay...so we walked down there and i played at the playground. then it was time for dinner, i ate at like 3 and then took a nap while watching beauty and the beast. Today was about reliving my childhood... from the music, to the park, to the movie... it was nice. :) I cant help but smile, today was a good day for me. i hope i have some more like this this week! We will c. TTFN

It's just a little confusing. You know life and stuff that comes w/it. U know if u think about it hard enough life is pretty simple... well ur born and u live and then u die. But y do we question the living part when we know its gonna end? Why do we try to make a mark on the past, if we aren't gonna be around to see its effects? Why do we care if it doesn't matter? Why do we fight if we are never going to find peace? Why do when complain if there's nothing to complain about? Why don't people get it when you tell it to their faces? Why are some so caring, and others cruel? Why do we have opinions? Why is there a lack of faith? Why don't some people understand, while others get it off the bat? Why do we go to school if we aren't going to use everything we learned? Why is there pain and suffering in parts of the world? Why aren't we perfect? What is perfect? Who is tell someone if they are perfect or not? Why do u feel like your talking but u cant be heard? Why are there stars? Why do we ask so many questions? Why cant we be happy all the time? Why do some of us get depressed? Why do dogs bark, and cats meow? Why do we make our beds if we are just going to get back in them at night? Why do we follow the alarms and bells that society creates for us? Why do we get cold? Why aren't things explained? Why cant the past be known? Why does everyone have a secret? Why do we cry? If there are answers why don't we know them? Why do we think we are the smartest creatures? Why do we live, if we are to die? Why do we love what we cant have? Why do love? What is love? What are emotions? Why do we feel them? Why am I writing this if I know I will never find the answers? Why do I attempt, when I'm am destined to fail? How come we are affected by the same issues but not by the same life style? Why do I ask why? Why do I care? Why do I want the answers? What can become of me? What was my purpose in life? What is our purpose in life? Why can some people write, y others sing, and other keep to themselves? Why aren't we ever happy w/ what we have? Why do we try harder? What will it take to stop? What leads us to make choices when we wont know the outcomes? Why are we faced w/ so many choices in life? Are we gonna end up in the same place no matter what we pick? Why do I strive for perfection? Why do I want what I cant have? Why cant I have what I want, but others cant have what they need? Why do people hide themselves? Why does everyone wear a mask? Why is everyone different than they appear? What is the difference b/w a person born today and one who died yesterday?
*** I know my questions will not be answered, but maybe I already know the answers and its easier to ask out loud than to keep your thought bottled up inside. There are so many questions that have been left unanswered, and yet most of us would like to keep it like that. But I one of those people that wants to know everythign about everything. Maybe that's a good thing, prolly not, but does it matter? Just remember life is simple (born,live, death) but the only thing that makes it complex are the questions we have to ask. So maybe when I leave my questions wont be answered, but atleast they were asked!***

So, today was not horrible. I woke up on time i might add, went to skool... used my kick ass radio pen, and came home. Now i have to go back to skool for 3 hours, and then im off to the gym.
Man i've been having these wicked awsome dreams lately... very nice! You know the ones with hot guys... its great. and tonite ill have twice as many cuz i get to sleep in (NO SKOOL YAY) I'm ready to go fall asleep now but i have to leave in a little while.
Yeah, last nite i was kicking it with Arby's (those were some nice mice) and Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory... oompa loompas are beast... and so much for the rest of the cast, what cornballs! Yeah i have a feild trip on friday to SRHS maybe there will be some hot guys from edgewater waiting for me, cuz the dudes around my dads house are pretty hot, u never know i mite get lucky! Yeah and besides going there i get to watch drama preformances so its a free day for me.

Well i'll cay yall later im outtie~ XoXo